For the Smile of Tomorrow
by mabaroshi16
Summary: SanzoGoku what else? XD Goku is trying to sort out his feelings for Sanzo, and Sanzo is doing his best to protect his saru's smile. (pairings: 939 and 58)
1. Changes

A/N: Konnichiwa minna-san! Welcome to my third Saiyuki fic! Just a few things, I personally think that it starts a little slow, but mayhaps that's just me ^_^ Also, I have one inconsistency within this story that I'm gonna go ahead and tell you about, I'm gonna use a lot of "Hey I sensed you coming" type stuff, but I'm also gonna have a lot of "Hey, I didn't know you were there!" stuff. So, just deal with it XP. Oh, and, some of the quotes may not be verbatim, but they're close enough, just didn't feel like looking 'em up XD Also, just in case you didn't know, the title is from the opening song of Gatekeepers. 

Rating is R to be safe, nothing this chapter, but stuff happens in later chapters that might be seen as "inappropriate" 

**Special thanks to Kurai Yuki whose fic inspired me!! *everyone go read it!* and to Am1 the 13th who read and reviewed this chapter for me!!! *read her stuff too!* Thanks a bunch you two!!!!!! *^_^***

This is **Y-A-O-I!!!!!! Don't like, don't read XD******

For the Smile of Tomorrow

Chapter 1: Changes

_To never again love someone so much that I cannot bear to lose them._

Loss. Pain. Solitude. Since his early childhood, Genjyo Sanzo had only known these things. Having already lost what was important to him, he was determined never to let it happen again. He vowed never to love, and he kept his vow. Kept it until golden eyes stared up trustingly at him from within their rocky prison.

Sanzo looked at the canopy of trees whipping by overhead. He could not see the sun through this dense foliage. Yet, he could still perceive its light. The sun was amazing in that way, being able to reach you no matter where you were. Even at night, it was still present through the moon.

_He was the ray of sun I had been hoping for. My savior._

Sanzo sighed and light a cigarette, trying in vain to not think of Goku's comparison of him to the sun. He was no sun. Suns had a light of their own, and he needed Goku's light just as much as Goku needed his. Without that boy, he would still be the same person he had always been. Goku had changed him, whether the boy knew it or not. 

'No, not a boy' Sanzo thought as he caught a glimpse of the saru in the side mirror. He had grown up quite nicely from the emaciated state he was in when Sanzo first found him. He had grown taller and more muscular. His lithe form accented by his almost too small clothing.

And he wasn't the only one who had noticed. With growing irritation, Sanzo had watched the female populations of the towns they visited take an interest in him as well. They had yet to approach Goku, as he was usually surrounded by Sanzo, Gojyo, and Hakkai, but Sanzo still saw the way they eyed him.

A flock of birds took to wing as the sound of the jeep (and the yelling from its backseat) disrupted their midday slumber. Sanzo watched the birds in flight as they searched for a new perch amidst the trees.

_I wonder who it was who decided that birds were free….Perhaps true freedom is having a home to return to._

Home. Sanzo had never liked living in the temple. Home was not a word that he would use to describe it, or any place for that matter. But he couldn't deny that wherever Goku was, was where he wanted to be. 

Sanzo took a drag off of his cigarette and let his gaze return to the sight within the mirror. Goku was in the middle of a heated battle with Gojyo at the moment about Buddha knew what. Sanzo watched with hidden amusement as Goku's face screwed up in annoyance and frustration before pulling out his ever present "ero kappa" insult. 

_To never again love someone so much I could not bear to lose them………… _

His mantra. His only way of life after his master died. But now, things had changed. He knew what is was to care for someone so much that their happiness was more important than his own. 'If I ever lost him-'

"Sanzo!" Said monk looked up at the call of his name. He had never relished his title, but the way Goku said it almost made him love it. "Sanzo! Back me up! You said Gojyo was nothing but a no-good—"

"You've been talking about me again you shitty monk?" Gojyo broke in angrily. 

Before the two of them could get him anymore involved in their squabble, Sanzo calmly lifted his gun in the air and let off a few rounds, effectively earning himself two minutes of peace while the two in the back cowered in fear. 

Sanzo slid back into himself and once again began to examine the change that had come over him. Outwardly, he was the same as always. His companions could tell no difference in his manners, but he _was_ different. He had finally admitted to himself that Goku was dear to him and that he couldn't bear to lose him. The only question was, what now? What does one do after throwing away his life's mantra?

His reverie was cut short as they came out of the woods and found themselves in a beautiful meadow. The town lay a little distance away yet, and the view was breath taking. Or, it would have been, had the beautiful meadow not been filled with blood thirsty youkai.  

Goku and Gojyo leapt out of the jeep, thrilled at the chance to vent their pent-up energy. Hakkai and Sanzo calmly followed them into the fight. As Goku was fighting, he cast a sidelong glance at Sanzo who was eliminating almost as many youkai as he was.  Goku thought it strange as Sanzo was normally content to let the others do most of the fighting. 

His eyebrows knit together as he tried to pinpoint when exactly he had noticed this change in Sanzo, but he was unable to do so. Goku took his frustration out on the next attacking youkai. _Why wasn't I watching him more carefully?_

This change in behavior from someone so steadfast in nature, worried Goku even though the change in itself was not a bad thing. The fights ended much sooner with Sanzo helping out. Goku surveyed the area looking for possible threats. When he found that all of the youkai had been eliminated he let his eyes settle on Sanzo. _There's something different about him lately………._

Sanzo stood, looking down at his blood splattered robes and hands, deep in thought. Goku approached him carefully and tugged on a sleeve. "Sanzo? We need to leave now if we're gonna reach the inn before nightfall."

"Hn." Was the only reply that Goku received. Still contemplative, Sanzo climbed into the waiting jeep and lit another cigarette. Goku cast a worried look at him, before climbing in behind him. 

During the ride to town, Hakkai and Gojyo chatted amiably about the battle and upcoming dinner, but their words fell on deaf ears, as Sanzo and Goku sat contemplating each other. 

            ********************************************************************

The Sanzo-ikkou walked through the market place in search of an inn to stay the night. The streets were alive with the hustle and bustle of those getting ready for dinner and were so crowded that Hakuryu had to transform back into his dragon form. As they were walking Goku veered to a meat bun stand and began to eye it hungrily.

Sanzo moved to pull him along, but before he could the young woman behind the counter leaned forward and addressed Goku. "See something you like?" she asked seductively. Sanzo's eyes narrowed at her suggestive tone, but Goku simply nodded happily, still eyeing the food. 

Sanzo decided to intervene before he was forced to shot a seemingly innocent woman. He grabbed Goku by the arm and steered him back to the others. As they walk away Gojyo patted Goku consolingly on the back. "Ain't that a shame man. You coulda totally scored with her too."

"Huh?" Goku looked up at Gojyo confusedly. "What are you talking about Gojyo?"

"That woman totally wanted you. She was practically undressing you with her eyes. You gotta become more aware or you're never gonna get laid." 

Goku turned red at the accusation and turned his gaze to the road in front of him. "Shut up Gojyo. That's not what I want." 

"Girls not your style then?" he asked slyly with a surreptitious wink at Hakkai.

"Shut up you ero kappa! I just mean that I'm not a slut like you!" Goku yelled, hands balling into fists. 

Gojyo jumped forward so they were nose to nose. "You wanna say that to my face monkey boy?!?!?" 

Hakkai rolled his eyes as he stepped between the two. "Maa, maa. Look there's an inn up ahead that looks nice, I'm sure it has plenty of beer and food."

"What? Where?" The two spoke simultaneously and ran towards the indicated building as Sanzo and Hakkai calmly walked behind them. 

Inside the lobby, a young girl was manning the check in desk. She blushed when she saw Goku, and started eyeing him shyly. Sanzo rolled his eyes in annoyance (::cough:: jealousy ::cough::) and spoke harshly. "We need rooms."

She jerked her head at his tone and talked quickly to appease the disgruntled customer. "Oh you're quite lucky, we're the only inn in town with any rooms still, what with the festival going on." She frowned as she looked at the books. "Though, I'm afraid there's only two left."

"That's fine, we'll take them." Sanzo replied as he put the credit card down on the desk.  

Goku tugged Sanzo's sleeve pleadingly. "Ne, Sanzo, I'm starving."

The receptionist looked up from what she was doing and said, "Oh, I'm sorry sir. But the dining room doesn't open for another hour. We close between lunch and dinner to clean up."

"Well, then I propose we go freshen up and meet down here in an hour." Gojyo suggested. He slung an arm around Hakkai and grinned wickedly. 

"Good idea." Hakkai answered. He took one of the keys offered by the receptionist before the two of them practically ran to their room.

Sanzo rolled his eyes at the two men's antics. Ever since they had gotten together a month ago, they had been downright incorrigible. He took the other key and began walking, knowing that Goku was behind him. 

When they got to their room, Sanzo sat down and pulled out his newspaper. Goku stood nervously beside him for a second, then spoke, "Ne, Sanzo. Do you want me to wash your robes for you? I was gonna wash mine anyway, and you don't want that blood to stain." The sentence was rushed, and Goku waited for Sanzo to yell at him for being stupid. 

Instead, Sanzo looked up at him then slowly stood and divested himself of his robe, eyes never leaving Goku's. Goku felt his face grow hot at the sight, and as soon as Sanzo handed him the robe he dashed from the room.

            ************************************************************

As Goku carried the clothes down to the river behind the inn he contemplated what had just happened. 'What was that about? It's not like I've never seen him without his robe on before. But the way he was moving was so-'

"So we meet again." Goku looked up and saw the girl from the meat bun stand washing clothes in the river. She stood up and extended a soapy hand to Goku. "My name's Mika, what's yours?"

"I'm Goku, nice to meet you." He politely replied. The two of them sat down next to the river and started washing their respective clothing. 

"I usually hate having to wash our aprons, but I'm happy that I did today. I'm glad I got to see you again. I wanted to talk to you more. Your friend seemed like he was in an awful big rush." Mika began speaking nonchalantly, while casting glances at the young man beside her. 

Goku refused to meet her gaze. He kept his focus on Sanzo's robe. "Yeah, Sanzo's like that."

"But, you're not in a rush now?" Mika asked as she leaned a bit closer to Goku. 

Goku shifted away from her, and continued washing. "Well, I've only got an hour and I need to get his robe cleaned."

Mika reached over and put a hand over Goku's. "Why don't you ditch it and come have some fun with me? The festival only comes once a year."

Goku pulled his hands away and continued to work on a blood stain that was refusing to come out. "I told Sanzo that I would wash it for him, I really don't want him to be mad at me."

"What about later?"

This time Goku raised his eyes from the river and met her gaze. "Excuse me?"

"Are you doing anything later?" She leaned in, if possible, even closer, and this time Goku didn't miss the look in her eyes. 

He backed away from her and frantically sought for an excuse that wouldn't seem too rude. "Well………you see……"

Mika sat back and pouted. "What's wrong? Don't you like me? Or is there someone else that you like?"

Goku jumped at the reason. "Yeah! That's it. I'm sorry, but I'm in love with someone already."

Mika smiled and went back to her washing. "Well, she's a lucky girl. Sorry if I made you nervous."

"No, it's fine, don't worry about it." Goku turned his attention back to Sanzo's robe and breathed a sigh of relief when Mika gathered her clothes and left. 

            ************************************************************

Later that night, Goku sat on the roof of the inn staring at the stars, his conversation from earlier running through his head. 'Someone else that I love…..'

He sat up in shock as he felt Sanzo's presence on the roof. "Sanzo! W-what are you doing up here?"

"You were so quiet during dinner, I thought maybe you were dying or something." Sanzo teased as he neared his charge. 

"You were worried about me?" Goku asked, voice full of wonder. It wasn't often that Sanzo showed that he cared, but he always seemed to be there when Goku was most troubled. 

"I never said that." Sanzo lit a cigarette and sat next to Goku, who laid back down and resumed his search of the heavens. After a minute's silence, Sanzo spoke again. "Want to talk about it?"

Goku lowered his eyes and stared at Sanzo's back. "I saw that girl from earlier and she asked me out." He noticed the way Sanzo's entire body tensed slightly at his comment. 

"Just don't turn out like Gojyo. I refuse to allow you to behave in such a way." Sanzo spoke with the slightest trace of……something in his voice. An emotion that Goku could not place. 

Goku spoke softly, "I'll never be like Gojyo." He paused and then, "To be honest, this isn't the first time it's happened to me. I mean it's never been that blatant before, but I'm not as clueless as you think I am. But the thing is I've never been interested. I know that I will never behave like Gojyo. I don't want that."

Sanzo turned his head slightly and looked at Goku out of the corner of his eyes, "What do you want?"

The young man turned his eyes back to the stars and said the first thing that came to his mind, "I just want to stay with you."

Sanzo smiled, but it was a sad smile full of future pain. "But you cannot always be with me Goku."

Goku sat up quickly at the statement, his heart filling with the fear that Sanzo was going to cast him aside for some reason. He was desperately searching for a way to change Sanzo's mind when the monk continued his thought. 

"I am mortal. One day we will be separated by my death. What will you do then Goku?" He looked Goku straight in the eyes, searching them for the truth he wanted to know. 

Goku met his gaze, and spoke with conviction. "I will wait for you."

"Wait for me? For how long?" Sanzo cocked his head a little to the side as he contemplated Goku's responses. 

"For as long as it takes." Goku unconsciously reached out and grasped the front of Sanzo's robe, as if the contact would strengthen his words. "Forever if I have to."

Sanzo raised a hand to pet his head in his usual manner, but his hand stopped halfway and he placed it instead on Goku's cheek. His voice came out no louder than a whisper, "Forever is and awfully long time. What if I never come back?" 

Goku, struck breathless at the display of affection, managed to whisper in reply, "I waited for you before, and you came. I believe that you would come again." 

Sanzo stared into those trusting eyes that were exactly the same as when they had first met. One of the few things that hadn't changed. He sighed sadly. "Whatever you say now, one day you will long for a family and a life of your own. And on that day, you will leave me." He stood and slowly left the roof. 

Goku watched him leave and sat for a long time staring after him.

            *************************************************************************

A/N: Ok, chapter one out of the way! Don't worry, Mika is not gonna be an OC, this is the only time she shows up. Can't have anyone getting in Sanzo's way now, can we? ^_^ Quick author rant: man I wish people would stop writing SanzoxHakkai fics! *sigh* 


	2. Realizations

A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR MABO-CHAAAAAAAAN! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! Who wants to guess how old I am today? *^_^* As regards to the story, I've started including some of Goku's more mature, if you will, feelings towards Sanzo, and I'm kinda worried about the way it came out. So please let me know if it was bad. ^_^

Wow! 12 reviews! Thanks to all my reviewers! You guys are great!!!!! ::glomp::

**M Li**: Sank you, I wasn't sure about the subtle feel of it, so I'm glad you commented on it ^_^

**Pervasive Threnody**: Don't worry, plenty more!

**Jewelraven**: SO OBVIOUS!!!! ::grumbles:: stupid people……. XD

**Ethereal Tenshi**: yeah.... I love that line, and as I was writing the chapter, it just kept playing over and over in my head, couldn't resist, had to use it! shhh, don't tell XP

**Kawaii Pancake**: sank you! It's so hard to get good Goku/Sanzo fics these days, more people should write them ::nudge, nudge:: ::wink, wink:: I'm so happy you thought it was cute, it's hard for me to tell sometimes. *^_^*

**Jan**: that was a really nice review, you made kinda nervous though, I hope I can keep it up! I edited this chapter again b/c of you! *but in a good way* sank you!

**Zion**: well, here you go! Hope you like this chapter too!

**Am1 the 13th**: you can call me mabo-chan if I can call you ami-chan ^_^ and I do think I might send you the next chapter before I post it if you don't mind….

**Rulerofthecows**: ok, first of all, I love your name!!!! so fun ^_^ and I love cheesecake! It's only the BEST food on the planet! Hopefully this update was quick enough ::dodges rotten meatbuns:: and lastly, Sanzo with anyone else but Goku is total and udder (XD) blasphemy! 

**Atsu**** Tenshi: Yes, I do actually have a plot, and I quite like it, hopefully you will continue to enjoy it ^_^ I'm so sick of Sanzo/Hakkai @_@**

**Fishl****: Sank you! I'm always worried about being to OOC, especially when I get around to getting them together, it's so hard to stay in character. I'm on your alert?! ::glomps:: *^_^***

**Hikaru**** R. Kudou: If you like the "less innocent" Goku, you'll probably enjoy chapter 3…. ^_^ ps. I'm so glad you liked it, cause I loved Predilection! **

For the Smile of Tomorrow

Chapter 2: Realizations

Sanzo stared into those trusting eyes that were exactly the same as when they had first met. One of the few things that hadn't changed. He sighed sadly. "Whatever you say now, one day you will long for a family and life of your own. And on that day, you will leave me." He stood and slowly left the roof. 

Goku watched him leave and sat for a long time staring after him. Finally, he got up and followed. 

Goku entered the room silently; he looked over and noticed that Sanzo was already lying on the bed, his pale form illuminated by the moonlight. Goku walked over to him and stared down at his features. He loved watching Sanzo sleep; he was so relaxed and beautiful..... 

_Beautiful?  _Goku thought in bewilderment, but as he continued to gaze down at Sanzo's face, his soft skin seeming to glow with ethereal light, he was overwhelmed by the desire to touch him and see if he felt like he looked. 

He reached out his hand and tentatively touched Sanzo's cheek. "Beautiful," he whispered unconsciously as his hand traced Sanzo's jaw line and then moved over his lips. Suddenly, Goku pulled back his hand as though he had been burned, and stared at it, mystified, then back at Sanzo. 

His face scrunched up in confusion and he slowly backed away to his own bed, his eyes still on Sanzo. He sat down when the back of his knees hit the mattress, his thoughts so jumbled that he didn't realize he was sitting until he let his hand fall to his side. He jumped, slightly startled by the feel of the sheets against his hand. He took one long last look at Sanzo, then laid down and fell into a fitful sleep. 

After Goku's breathing had deepened Sanzo allowed his eyes to open. He sat up and looked at Goku, equally confused by the young man's actions. It had taken most of his willpower not to move when he felt Goku's hand. _Could this mean that he might actually….?_

Sanzo raised his hand to his own face, tracing the same areas Goku's hand so recently had. It was obvious to him that the boy was still confused about what he felt, but maybe…… maybe there was a chance that Goku really wouldn't leave him.

His thoughts were interrupted as he felt demonic presences. They weren't close enough to be a threat yet, but they were in their path. Sanzo knew that they would run into the youkai the next day. _Might as well take care of them now._

Sanzo quickly left the room and began his hunt. He needed to finish before dawn or else Goku would worry about him being gone. He didn't need Goku to be upset by his absence. After all, Goku was the reason he was doing this. 

In the darkness of the halls, Sanzo let a smile play across his features at the thought of Goku and his recent actions. Hope stirred in his chest, giving him the confidence to carry through with his plan. 

********************************************************************************* 

Goku opened his eyes and immediately squinted them against the sunlight. A cool breeze coaxed his eyes back open. Above him he saw a sky bluer than any he had beheld on earth, dotted with perfectly white clouds. He sat up slowly and looked around in wonder. 

He was sitting in a beautiful field of flowers that extended as far as his eyes could see- and he was not alone. Not twenty feet from him, sat- _It's me. Goku thought in befuddlement. He was much younger than he could ever remember being. Even younger than when Sanzo freed him. _

He got up and walked over to the boy and tried to speak to him, but he did not seem to see Goku. Instead, he continued happily picking daisies and turning them into a crown while humming a little tune. Goku observed his younger self with fascination, a sense of déjà vu slowly coming over him. He once again perused the field, not being able to shake the feeling that he had been there before. 

The young boy abruptly let out a squeal of delight and held up the finished crown. When he got up and began to run, Goku pursued. As he ran, he felt his heart lift. Somehow he knew that he was heading somewhere wonderful. His younger version laughed and held out his arms, running headlong into the wind, and Goku found himself doing the same.

Goku had always loved nature, and back at the temple had spent much of his time outdoors. The journey west had limited his playtime immensely, and he was greatly saddened by the fact that he wasn't able to take the time to enjoy being outside. 

Because of this, Goku completely abandoned himself to the feeling of freedom taking over. He threw his arms to the side and ran as fast as his legs could carry him. He laughed out loud at the sensation of the wind ruffling his hair and caressing his skin. He ran so quickly that he soon left his younger, and much shorter self behind, but he did not stop to wait. He ran and ran towards the intangible but extraordinary goal in front of him. 

Soon he saw a compound of buildings that also seemed hauntingly familiar. He was mildly surprised to find that, even alone, he knew exactly where he was going.  He had run this pathway often as a child, he needed no guide. _Left here, right here, straight along this path, through the gate, another right, almost there……. _

Goku came to a stop in front of a large wooden door. He reached forward and lovingly caressed the wood. Suddenly he knew what lay on the other side of that door. He knew what he had run so far to gain, or rather who. The only person in the entire universe who really mattered. His sun. 

Goku pushed against the door, longing to see the man on the other side. But, just as the shadow of his former self could not see him, the door refused to move at his touch. He began frantically pounding against it, anxious to look upon his sun, needing his light. 

As if in answer to his request the young Goku came bounding up behind him and burst through the door. Goku followed him inside and watched as he jumped over the desk and into _his_ lap. He had been right, it was Sanzo, and yet it wasn't. Goku looked at the man closely. Though the body was slightly different, there was no mistaking the soul lying within. 

Konzen was thrown back by the force of Goku jumping on him, but couldn't help but smile as the young heretic crowned him with the daisies. He reached out and petted him on the head while muttering an affectionate "bakasaru". 

Goku's heart lurched as he recognized the actions. "Sanzo......." 

Suddenly the scene around him faded to black and another took its place. Goku watched in horror as Konzen shielded him and took a sword through the gut. The blood splattered, covering young Goku's face. Goku ran over to the pair in terror, not wanting to believe the sight in front of him. 

 "Konzen….." Both Goku's whispered his name as their sun fell to his knees. But he did not answer either Goku. He merely coughed up blood from the attack he had just taken. 

"Konzen!" This time only the young heretic had spoken. Goku was frozen, unable to move or speak as he fully realized that this was no dream. This _had happened. _

Konzen collapsed on top of young Goku, no longer able to support his own weight. 

"Konzen! Konzen!" The poor boy continued to scream his keepers name. Goku felt tears begin to stream down his face as he once again watched Konzen die. 

Konzen's eyes slowly opened and he gazed for the last time at the one who he loved. "Wait for me, Goku. I'll come back to you. Just…..wait….."

"KONZEN!!!!" His young self screamed as the man died and Goku's heart cried out in unison as the memory of his sun's last words and their implications hit him full force.

Goku watched sadly as his former self was dragged screaming from the room. Watched as his own memory was sealed.  Watched as 500 years under a lonely mountain passed.  Only this time, he heard and understood the cry of his soul. 

_Konzen! Konzen! Konzen!_ Over and over he had silently screamed for his sun to rescue him. Goku finally comprehended the profound loneliness he had felt all of those years. The gods had taken away his memory, but not his heart. And for that reason, he had suffered immensely without knowing why. 

Until that the fateful day when he saw him again. Konzen had come to him just as he promised. He reached out his hand and spoke the words Goku had waited centuries to hear: "You. Are you the one who's been calling to me?" 

And his loneliness, along with his chains, had melted away.

************************************************************************************* 

_Goku met his gaze, and spoke with conviction. "I will wait for you."_

_"Wait for me? For how long?" Sanzo cocked his head a little to the side as he contemplated Goku's responses. _

_"For as long as it takes." Goku unconsciously reached out and grasped the front of Sanzo's robe, as if the contact would strengthen his words. "Forever if I have to."_

_Sanzo raised a hand to pet his head in his usual manner, but his hand stopped halfway and he placed it instead on Goku's cheek. His voice came out no louder than a whisper, "Forever is and awfully long time. What if I never come back?" _

_Goku, struck breathless at the display of affection, managed to whisper in reply, "I waited for you before, and you came. I believe that you would come again." _

**************************************************************************************

Goku sat up in bed, breathing heavily. He looked towards Sanzo's bed, but it was empty. He flopped back down on his mattress and tried to sort through what he had just dreamt. _Konzen….._He had seen that man before. Both times he transformed into Seiten Taisei, that man had flashed before his vision. And now, he knew who he was. His keeper, his sun....Sanzo. 

Goku tried to sort out what to do but he couldn't think of anything. The only thing that he was sure of was that he wanted to see Sanzo. _Now. _

Goku jumped out of bed and, after a cursory search of his room and the restaurant, ran to Gojyo and Hakkai's room to ask if they had seen Sanzo. He burst through the door without knocking and was greeted with the site of a naked Hakkai being straddled by a likewise naked Gojyo. The two men broke their kiss and stared at Goku in mortification and anger, respectively. 

"Don't you know how to knock you damned monkey?" Gojyo demanded angrily as he pulled a sheet around himself and his lover. 

Goku brushed off the comment, too hurried to be embarrassed. "Where's Sanzo?" 

 Hakkai and Gojyo exchanged confused glances before turning back to Goku. "Sorry, Goku, we haven't seen him." Hakkai answered apologetically. 

"Right, ok," Goku said then ran from the room slamming the door behind him. The two men looked after him for a second, as if they were unsure that Goku had even been there.

"Does he even realize that the sun's not up yet?" Gojyo wondered aloud. "I mean, what's he doing up anyways? He's always the last one awake."

"Yes, it is odd." Hakkai agreed. "But, we can worry about that later. I do believe you were in the middle of something."

Gojyo grinned down at Hakkai, "Yes, I do believe I was." 

            **********************************************************************

Sanzo wiped off his gun with the bottom of his robe and began his trek back to the inn. There had been 20 or so demons, and a few of them had actually been a challenge to kill. He grimaced as he noticed the state of his robe. _Goku's going to be upset. He just washed this for me, and now I'll have to explain why it's dirty again._

Thankfully, Sanzo recalled that he had seen a small lake on his way out to the demons. The sun was just now coming up, so he had time to wash his robes and dry them before Goku woke up several hours after sunrise. 

Sanzo quickly arrived at the lake and peeled his robe off to wash it. As he did so, he was made acutely aware of just how much of a work out he had received that morning. His robe was covered in his sweat, and the clothes that he wore under it were in even worse shape.

Sanzo wrinkled his nose in disgust at himself. Though traveling with three other guys didn't lend itself to being the cleanliest of experiences, Sanzo still made a concerted effort not to be disgusting. After feeling to make sure that no one was around, he stripped off the rest of his clothes and rinsed them in the water and laid them out to dry.

Sanzo looked down at the clear lake and dove in. The water was cool, a nice relief to the humid morning air. He swam across the lake, allowing a smile to cross his face at the feeling. Though he hated rain, he had always been fond of bodies of water. He had been found in and named after a river, something he thought of as a privilege rather than a disgrace. 

In his seemingly private pool, Sanzo allowed himself to relax as he never did when around other people. He came to the surface and floated on his back, staring at the last of the stars as they disappeared in the growing light of day. As he watched their lights fade he couldn't help but think that this moment would be perfect if he had a certain someone by his side to share it with. 

He started as he felt a strong presence moving towards himself at an alarmingly fast rate. He looked over to his clothes on the other side of the lake where his gun was sitting. He stood and made for it as the sound of footsteps reached his ears. He cursed when he realized that he wouldn't make it in time. 

            **********************************************************************

Goku ran down the hall, trying to see if he could sense Sanzo anywhere, he thought he felt a little something, but it was faint. He moved towards where he thought the feeling was coming from, hoping that he was right. He burst out of the back door of the inn, facing east. He could just see the tip of the sun peaking over the horizon. _He's that way._

He ran into the woods deeper and deeper, desperately needing to see Sanzo. He couldn't shake the feeling that Sanzo was in some sort of trouble. The scent of blood reached his nostrils, spurring him to even greater speeds. 

He caught a flash of blond in front of him and increased his speed again. He burst through the underbrush, and stopped just short of falling into a lake. There in front of him was Sanzo. _Thank god, he's all right_. Goku almost fainted with relief. 

"What are you doing?" He demanded, falling to the ground in exhaustion. 

"Taking a bath, what does it look like? What are YOU doing?" Sanzo asked crossly. 

"I woke up, and you weren't there, so I......." Goku trailed off and quickly reddened. Sanzo was standing a few feet away from the bank, waist deep in water. His upper body and hair were dripping wet, each drop of water seeming to cling to his skin as it traveled down to meet the main body of the water, under which the rest of Sanzo waited. Sanzo's back was to the rising sun, and he was haloed by its light. Goku held his breath at the way the sunlight glinted off of Sanzo's body. 

Sanzo watched Goku's expression carefully. Himself turning a little red under Goku's intense scrutiny. He resisted the urge to shift uncomfortably as Goku's gaze slowly traveled down his body. 

Goku realized where he was staring and immediately snapped his head away, trying to find something else to look at.  He quickly noticed Sanzo's clothes drying on the opposite bank. His discomfort faded and his eyes narrowed in suspicion as he found the source of the scent of blood. "Sanzo, why do you smell like blood?" 

Sanzo, bristled slightly at the comment, his annoyance heightened by his embarrassment. He drew himself up and answered, his tone daring Goku to reprimand him, "Because I just got done killing some demons in the area."

Goku angrily jumped to his feet. "Why didn't you wake me? You shouldn't go out alone!" Sanzo cast Goku a withering glare. Under Sanzo's glower, his concern seemed almost childish. _It's not like Sanzo can't take care of himself._

"I don't need your protection, saru. I got by quite well before you came along." Sanzo responded harshly. 

Goku took a step back, stung. Sanzo grimaced when he saw the look Goku was giving him. Once again he had hurt Goku without meaning to. He moved over to the bank and spoke contritely, "Goku, I-" 

Goku's breath hitched at the sound of his name. He slowly walked to Sanzo and dropped to his knees, so he was eye level with the monk. Sanzo placed his hand on Goku's head, searching for the words to soften his statement. 

Goku let his gaze settle on the ground. He spoke softly his voice full of sorrow, "I know you don't need me, Sanzo. You can take care of yourself, you can live without me." He raised his head and met Sanzo's gaze unflinchingly, "But I _can't_ live without you."

He stared at Sanzo, seeing not only the man who stood before him, but also the man he used to be. Suddenly the 500 years they had spent apart, all of the loneliness and heartbreak he had been forced to endure, threatened to choke him. Unable to bear it, Goku leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Sanzo's neck.

 Sanzo did shift uneasily as the object of his affections pressed his body firmly against his own. He was about to push the young boy away when he tightened his embrace and whispered, "I missed you, I missed you so much, don't ever leave me again." 

Sanzo, unaware of Goku's meaning-after all, he had only been gone for an hour or two at most- but concerned nonetheless, put his arms around him to comfort him. He allowed himself a moment of indulgence as his arms settled around Goku's slim waist and his head rested on top of Goku's. He repressed a contented sigh, _I could stay like this forever….._

Unfortunately, a moment was all he could allow himself as he felt his body begin to respond to Goku's innocent touch. He put his hands on Goku's shoulders and pushed the young man back a little, careful not to be too rough so he wouldn't upset the boy further. "Why don't you let me get dressed, and then we can go get some breakfast." 

Goku flushed, remembering that Sanzo wasn't clothed. He sat back, blushing and apologizing, "I'm sorry Sanzo! I shouldn't have....I mean....." 

Sanzo swam over to his clothes as Goku was stuttering. Goku watched Sanzo as he moved through the water, admiring how relaxed and graceful his movements were. _And the way his muscles-_

"Goku." Sanzo had reached the opposite bank and was looking back at him expectantly. "Oh!" Goku yelped, and quickly turned around. 

He heard Sanzo get out of the water and tired in vain not to imagine what he knew he would see if he turned around: Sanzo- dripping wet, the sunlight dancing on his skin. Suddenly the scene in the inn came to mind, only this time instead of Gojyo and Hakkai, it was him straddling Sanzo. Goku's eyes closed as the scene played out in his head. 

He leaned over Sanzo, kissing him passionately before moving down to his neck. He let his hands roam freely over Sanzo's muscled chest and abdomen, grinning in satisfaction as Sanzo arched into his touch. He moved his hands down and gripped Sanzo's waist pulling them closer together as he left his mark on his pale neck…..

Sanzo heard a peculiar sound from the other side of the lake. He looked up from buttoning his jeans and called, "Oi, Goku. Are you that hungry?"

Goku's eyes opened in shock. Even though his back was to Sanzo, he clasped his hands in his lap, hiding his traitorous body from any eyes. He turned his head and looked at Sanzo, who was still only half dressed. Goku tore his eyes away from his admiration of Sanzo's toned stomach and jumped up, quickly disappearing into the trees. 

Sanzo watched him run away. _What the hell is wrong with him? _He pulled his robe on, tying it quickly, then grabbed his shirt, arm protectors, and scripture before hurrying off in the direction Goku had gone. 

Goku ran away from Sanzo trying to get the image out of his mind, but the more he tried the more he thought about it, and the more labored his breathing became. Finally he sank to the ground and scowled. 

_Dammit, this isn't right! It's Sanzo! _ He screamed at himself, but for some reason, he wasn't buying it. He tried thinking of things to make his body cool down, but nothing was coming to mind. He continued scowling until he a presence behind him. Sanzo's violet gaze was replaced with a blue and gold one. _Well, that did the trick. _He smiled wryly. 

"Hey there Homura. Come for the scripture?" He asked as he stood and faced the prince of war. 

Homura just smiled and advanced toward him. "Not exactly, would I attack only you if that's what I wanted?" 

Goku began to feel a bit uneasy, Homura was eyeing him funny and he didn't like it. So he did what he always did, he attacked. Homura easily blocked his punch, then caught Goku's wrist and spun him so his back was pressed against Homura's chest. Homura put his other arm around Goku's waist, to stop him from escaping. "There we go. Now we wait for Konzen." 

Goku stopped struggling and his head snapped up at the name. _That's right, Homura always calls Sanzo that. I wonder if Homura was around back then?_

He was about to question Homura when he heard Sanzo coming through the brush. Goku opened his mouth to warn him to stay away, but Homura brought his arm up to prevent any sound from escaping.  Seconds later, Sanzo came into the clearing, his face setting into his customary glare as he noticed Homura's hold on Goku. "Let him go" 

"Oh, I intend to." Homura grinned wickedly as he raised his other hand to Goku's diadem, pulling it from his head. "Good luck." With a wink at Sanzo he phased out. 

_Shit._ Was Sanzo's only thought as Goku fell to the ground clutching his head and screaming in agony. 

            ************************************************************************

A/N: I have such a fetish for having people walk in on each other while bathing and/or swimming. And I'm totally obsessed with Goku getting his memory back. Oh well XD For those of you who read "Sweet Raptured Light" you might have noticed that I ganked Konzen's death scene from that story. I fleshed it out here, and I quite like the way it turned out *^_^* Next Chapter! Seiten Taisei! Wohoo! 


	3. Mistakes

A/N: So, after seeing a fanart I decided to write this. Sure, it's been written before, but hey, it's fun! So I'll do it too! If you wanna see the fanart that inspired it, go to the link I added in my profile. Almost all of my shounen-ai/yaoi fanart is there. Go ahead and warn you, a few of them are not G rated by any means, so if you're easily offended, don't look!  ^_^ Also, I'm a little nervous about this chapter, it's the first time I've written anything like it…..so yeah….. I hope it's not too awful @_@ 

**Am1 the 13th: **I'm not _that _much older than you XP Glad you liked the site, and thanx again for your help!!!

**M Li: **I'm trying really hard to keep it "quiet" cause I really like that too. Make sure you tell me if I start to stray too much! Though, this chapter is kinda….well, you'll see. 

**Ethereal-tenshi: **I think that it's Tenkai, but I'm really not sure. Nice to know that you're also obsessed with memories ^_^ That's half the reason that I wrote SRL, there weren't many memory fics! I was hoping to start a trend. I'm twenty one now, but shhh don't tell that either XP

**Iapetus****: **You write the best reviews. I wish I could review like you do. I'm always just like "wohoo! Uhh…" In other news, I'm so glad you like the chapter, as far as Goku/Sanzo is concerned, I'm with you on that, refer to the author's note at the end of the chapter XD

**Atsu**** Tenshi: **Sorry for making you wait. Just so you know, I'm gonna be updating once a week, so mark your calendar for next Friday-ish ~_^

**Duo Maxwell5x2: **Yeah, it'll turn out good, but not for two chapters or so….. Hooray for memories! Down with Sanzo/Hakkai! *^_^*

**Zion: **Sank you! I'm trying really hard to stay in character @_@

**Rulerofthecows****: **I _love_ episode 39, but I never noticed that it was 39 (I had always just called it "Ame") until your review. That's so awesome. ::evil grin:: 

**Azure K. Mello: **"before Sanzo betrayed the golden boy" I must admit that I'm very confused by this statement. If you continue to read my story, as I hope you do ^_^ will you kindly explain to me what you mean? I'm glad that you took the time to read my fic even though you don't agree with the pairing.  Sank you!

**Altealice****: **I can only be so fast. If I go any faster, you'll get pure crap ~_^ I update once a week, cause it takes me about that long to write a chapter that I'm happy with, and I'm only about a chapter ahead of what's been posted. 

**Star-chan:** Haha, refer to my response above about review time. ^_^ I had a great birthday, thank you! 

For the Smile of Tomorrow

Chapter 3: Mistakes

He was about to question Homura when he heard Sanzo coming through the brush. Goku opened his mouth to warn him to stay away, but Homura brought his arm up to prevent any sound from escaping.  Seconds later, Sanzo came into the clearing, his face setting into his customary glare as he noticed Homura's hold on Goku. "Let him go" 

"Oh, I intend to." Homura grinned wickedly as he raised his other hand to Goku's diadem, pulling it from his head. "Good luck." With a wink at Sanzo he phased out. 

_Shit._ Was Sanzo's only thought as Goku fell to the ground clutching his head and screaming in agony. 

_Goku looked around himself. There was no light, he was surrounded by darkness. Not only that, it was cold too. The kind of cold that stole the warmth from your body and threatened to freeze your heart. Goku recognized the feeling, for it was exactly the same when Konzen had died. This lifeless emptiness that threatened to swallow everything. _

_Death. _

_He sensed a source of warmth behind him and turned around. Konzen was standing there, reaching out to him. He seemed to glow with an inner light that was holding back the cold emptiness. Goku reached towards him, whether to save Konzen or to have Konzen save him, he wasn't sure. _

_ As he stepped towards Konzen, his features shifted until it was Sanzo standing in front him. Sanzo took a step back then looked at Goku sadly and whispered, __"But you cannot always be with me Goku. I am mortal. One day we will be separated by my death. What will you do then Goku?" As he spoke his light began to dim, the darkness overtaking him._

_Goku ran frantically towards him, trying to save him from the darkness. But he couldn't reach Sanzo. For every step he took, Sanzo receded. He called out to the darkness, "You can't take him! He's mine! I won't let you have him. He's mine!!!!!"_

_But his cries were to no avail. As Sanzo disappeared, Goku sank to his knees and let a tortured sob escape his throat. "No, no, he's mine. He's supposed to be with me forever. You can't take him from me….onegai….not again….."_

_Goku cried into the unfeeling emptiness. With every tear that fell, he felt a little warmth leave his body. He grew unbearably cold. He lay clutching his arms to himself trying to conserve his body heat. It was a futile battle, however, and one that Goku lost as the darkness overwhelmed him. _

Goku's screams turned guttural as his body changed shape. His hair grew longer, his ears pointed, his nails turned to claws. Finally, the yelling subsided. Golden eyes opened, their pupils narrowed to slits. He stood slowly and let his gaze settle on the man before him. _Mine._

Sanzo fell into a defensive position as Goku rose from the ground. He prepared himself for an attack. He would have to quickly reform the diadem to control Goku before the young man could cause too much havoc.  It would be difficult to do alone, but he had done it before. 

Seiten Taisei looked straight at Sanzo a feral grin dancing across his lips. _Mine._  He would make sure that everyone knew he belonged to him. Then no one would be able to take him away. _Mine._ He took a step towards Sanzo. 

The monk uneasily took a step back, this wasn't normal. Before, Goku had exuded a killing aura in this form. His desire to kill anything and everything would practically overwhelm Sanzo's senses. But this time….Goku didn't want to kill him. He took another step back as the grin on Goku's face made his blood run cold. 

Suddenly he disappeared and reappeared behind Sanzo, who had to throw himself to the side to avoid Seiten Taisei's claws. As it was they ripped through the back of his robe. Sanzo rolled to his feet and blocked the next attack. Sanzo moved as quickly as he could, but each time Goku transformed, he was even stronger and faster than the previous times. Sanzo was having trouble keeping up with the other's movements. 

Seiten Taisei didn't relent one inch, he kept attacking Sanzo, barely giving the monk a moments rest. Each attack took away a piece of his robe, but failed to draw blood. Sanzo threw the scripture and his shirt to the side for safe keeping. While he did so, Seiten Taisei attacked from his vulnerable backside and tore what was left of his robe from his shoulders. 

Sanzo whipped around, ready to block another attack, but Goku had stopped for some reason. He was standing just out of arm's reach of Sanzo, head cocked to the side. Sanzo resisted the urge to cover his bare torso with his arms. Instead, he stood proud, eyes daring Goku to attack. His hope was to distract Goku enough to replace the diadem like he had last time. _But last time I had the scripture-_ Sanzo cursed himself for his stupidity. He needed the scripture to hold Goku still, but he had just tossed it aside. 

He felt his body being slammed into then he hit the ground hard. His momentary slip of concentration had cost him. He found himself trapped underneath Goku, both arms pinned above his head with one of Goku's. _Fuck._ Sanzo struggled against his hold, but he could not break free. 

An amused smile crossed Goku's face at Sanzo's exertion. He brought his free hand to Sanzo's chest and began to trace patterns on his skin. His claws sliced into Sanzo, and each time he traced over the path he cut a little deeper. Sanzo fought back tears as Goku's hand played over his chest, resisting the urge to scream. He would not give into the pain. He wouldn't give Seiten Taisei the satisfaction. 

Seiten Taisei leaned down and licked the blood straight off of Sanzo's skin, making the monk shudder. Goku raised his head up a little and leered down at Sanzo's trapped body. Sanzo's eyes widened as he saw the look in the other's eyes. _No, it's not supposed to happen like this….._

Sanzo doubled his efforts to break free, but they only seemed to encourage Goku. With another smile, he leaned down and forcibly kissed Sanzo, pushing his tongue into the other's mouth. He brought his free hand up to Sanzo's neck and traced a line down to his stomach. 

Sanzo was suddenly struck with a feeling of helplessness that he hadn't felt since his master had died. He was completely powerless, there was absolutely nothing he could do to stop Goku. _This isn't the way it was supposed to be. This is wrong._

Seiten Taisei finally released his mouth and gazed down at Sanzo's chest with glee. "Mine….." he whispered. Sanzo stared back at him, momentarily shocked. He had never heard Goku speak in this form before. Seiten Taisei seemed pleased by his reaction. He continued to murmur "Mine" over and over as he lowered his head to Sanzo's neck.

Sanzo closed his eyes to escape what he saw. He kept telling himself that it wasn't real. Soon he would wake up, and things would be fine. This wasn't Goku. It wasn't. It wasn't. Using the skills he had gained as a monk, Sanzo withdrew his conscious mind deep into himself. 

            *************************************************************

_Sanzo lifted his head from the bed and glared at Hakkai. "When did you become so annoying?"_

_Hakkai laughed softly. He lowered his gaze and spoke quietly, "Am I? I suppose I'm lashing out at you. I didn't know what fear was until I faced Goku in his berserk mode. He had entrusted me with bringing him back. Me! But I was powerless to stop him. I have never felt so weak. But I can't help but be a little bitter at myself for it. What's worse, by letting him down the results of what he's done will hurt him even more. It's just so sad." _

_Will hurt him even more._

_Will hurt him._

_Hurt him._

_            **************************************************************_

Sanzo's eyes snapped open. He was Genjyo Sanzo, dammit, and Genjyo Sanzo does not lie down and accept defeat. He faces reality head on. _If I don't, I will only end up hurting Goku._

The demon already had his free hand clutching Sanzo's waist, and when he had felt Sanzo go unconscious, he had moved the other one down his body to grab onto one of his legs, separating them and settling himself in between them.

Seiten Taisei was currently running his hands up and down Sanzo's sides, and working his mouth lower on the monk's torso. He skipped over the cuts on his chest and was alternately kissing and biting the man's stomach. Sanzo inhaled sharply, and berated himself for enjoying the feeling. Slowly, he moved his now free hands down and entangled them in Seiten Taisei's hair. 

The demon did not seem to mind as he began tugging at the waistband of Sanzo's jeans. Sanzo slowly moved his hands so they encircled Goku's head and whispered, "Return to your human form." The diadem appeared in a burst of light, sealing Seiten Taisei within Goku once again. 

Goku fell forward, unconscious, onto Sanzo's stomach. Sanzo let his head fall back to the ground with a sigh of relief. His heart was still pounding and his breath was coming out ragged. Sanzo closed his eyes and began to meditate, this time willing his body to relax. He felt his heartbeat slow and his breathing return to normal. He opened his eyes and moved to sit up, but almost cried out as his chest flared with pain. 

Goku stirred at the movement. As he awakened he could acutely smell blood, Sanzo's blood. His head shot up, but he had trouble moving past that. As he looked down, he realized why.  He was currently lying on his stomach, arms on either side of Sanzo's hips, his body lying between the other's legs. 

As he raised his gaze from Sanzo's stomach his eyes widened in horror at the monk's chest. He looked down to his own hands disbelievingly, but his fingers were covered in blood. He brought himself up to his knees and leaned over Sanzo, hands inches away from Sanzo's chest. 

"Mine" he breathed in misery. Sanzo's head jerked up at the word, eyes wide. He followed Goku's gaze down to his body and realized that Seiten Taisei hadn't been drawing random patterns on his chest. It was kanji. Just one word. Mine. 

Sanzo suddenly felt extremely light-headed. The world began to swim around him, all he could see was Goku's worried face, but soon that too faded to black. 

            *******************************************************************

Sanzo awoke slowly. The first thing that he noticed was that he wasn't on hard ground, but something soft. He guessed that he was back at the inn. Next he noticed that he wasn't wearing a shirt as a cool breeze tickled his skin, causing him to shiver. He brought his arms up to warm himself, catching the attention of someone in the room. 

Goku jumped up from the chair he had been sitting in and leaned over Sanzo to make sure that he was all right. When Sanzo opened his eyes, all he saw was Goku's face staring down at him. without thinking, Sanzo jerked away from him. 

Goku looked hurt by his actions. He reached out to Sanzo to apologize, but the monk slapped his hand away snarling, "Don't touch me."

Goku grabbed onto his hand and took a step back from the bed, eyes filling with anguish. Sanzo always said that to people when they tried to touch him, but he had never said that to Goku. Not to him. Never to him. _Now he really hates me._ Goku thought as he spun on his heel and ran from the room.

Too late, Sanzo reached out to stop Goku. "Baka" he whispered to himself. He had really done it this time. But right now he couldn't stand to look at Goku. Not after what he had done.

Sanzo shook his head free of such thoughts. He stood up and moved over to the door closing and locking it. He leaned against it. _Kami__, I need a smoke. _He went in search of his cigarettes, but stopped as he caught sight of himself in the mirror.

His chest was covered in red lines, obviously recently closed wounds. He approached the mirror, tracing the patterns with his hand. He stood transfixed, as thoughts and emotions began flying through his head. Goku's eyes as he carved into his chest. Goku's eyes as he forced his way into his mouth. Goku's eyes as they raked over his bare form. Goku's eyes as Sanzo slapped his hand away and yelled at him…. Finally, he tore his gaze away and began looking for his clothes. 

His robe was lying on the floor, a bloody, tattered mess. He could only assume that Goku had used it to staunch the blood flow from his wounds. He picked it up in disgust and threw it into the trash can. He found his shirt, thankful that he hadn't put it on before, and slipped it over his head, tucking it into his jeans. He pulled on his arm bands and tucked his gun into the back of his jeans. He put his scripture into his bag, where he found his cigarettes.

He lit a cigarette and leaned against the wall, inhaling deeply as he looked out the window to the street below. Goku was down there, talking to Gojyo and Hakkai. Even though he couldn't see the saru's face, he could sense the distress radiating off of him. 

Sanzo closed his eyes against the sight, but he could still feel it. He crushed his cigarette and grabbed his bag, stalking out of the room. He couldn't stay mad at Goku, it was impossible. But he couldn't forget. At least, not yet. 

            *******************************************************************

Goku ran down the stairs and out the front of the inn, nearly knocking Gojyo and Hakkai over. Hakkai grabbed Goku to halt his movement. Noticing the tears in the young man's eyes, he leaned down and asked concernedly, "Goku, what's wrong?" 

"Sanzo hates me!" Goku moaned, throwing his arms around Hakkai's waist. 

Hakkai and Gojyo exchanged worried glances. Gojyo reached down and patted him on the head and said in a carefree way. "I'm sure he doesn't, this isn't the first time you've tried to kill him."

"I wasn't trying to kill him!" Goku said as he pulled back from Hakkai. He wiped his eyes furiously and tried to get a better hold of himself. "If it was just that, then Sanzo wouldn't be so mad at me!"

Hakkai placed his hands on Goku's shoulders, offering comfort where he could. "It'll be ok Goku. Are you sure he's really angry, and not just worried, like last time?"

Goku's head fell forward, and he mumbled despairingly. "Hai. When he woke up I went to see if he was ok, and he hit me and told me not to touch him!" 

"What's wrong with that?" Gojyo asked, crossing his arms, "He tells me that all the time."

"Tells _you_ that! Not me though! I've always been allowed to. Because I'm…. I'm…." Goku trailed off and stared miserably at the ground. 

Hakkai and Gojyo looked at him oddly, but before they could say anything, Sanzo came through the front door. Without so much of a glance at Goku he pronounced:  "We're leaving. Now. Go get your shit together." 

He kept walking until he reached the corner of the inn, where he leaned against the wall and lit a cigarette. Hakkai and Gojyo stared after him, while Goku ran into the inn. Hakkai made a move towards Sanzo, but Gojyo caught his arm and nodded his head from side to side. Hakkai cast another look at Sanzo before following Gojyo inside. 

Within five minutes the Sanzo-ikkou were in Hakuryu and leaving town. Sanzo sat staring straight ahead, his face an impassive mask. Goku was curled up dejectedly in the back seat, occasionally glancing at Sanzo. Hakkai cast a worried look to Gojyo through the mirror. Gojyo caught his stare and shrugged. 

And the journey westward continued, the sound of the engine seeming infinitely loud in the silence.  

            *******************************************************************

A/N: Just in case you missed it, Sanzo's memory is from the episode after Goku fights Kougaji in his Seiten Taisei form. Oh, for all you Homura fans out there, don't get too excited. He's just a plot device at the moment. I've planned up through chapter 6, and he's not in it. Gomen. 
    
    The more fanart I get, the more I'm leaning towards Goku/Sanzo as opposed to Sanzo/Goku. Since my other stories were Sanzo/Goku, I'm probably going to explore the other option in this story. Let me know what ya'll think about that. I know that Iapetus at least is with me XD 


	4. Reflections

A/N: Ok, well the reactions for last chapter were pretty good, so that makes me happy. It was probably my favorite one so far, sorry if it was too sad or angsty. The vote on Sanzo/Goku or Goku/Sanzo was  3 to 3 so…. I guess we'll see XP I'm not even totally sure if it'll be an issue or not. As I said, we'll see ^_^ There's a little more Hakkai and Gojyo in this chapter, since I've been practically ignoring them so far, hope you enjoy! 

This is the most reviews I've ever gotten for a single chapter! Thanks guys!!!!! *^_^* 

**M Li: **A "good eerie" works for me, cause that's kinda what I was going for XP I'm really glad you're enjoying it! 

**Duo-Maxwell5x2:** I'm sorry, I didn't think it was that sad. This chapter isn't much happier, but I promise that the next one will be filled with fluffy goodness! I swear! So smile! 

**Iapetus****: **I'm really glad that you liked the whole "mine" thing. It came to me one day, and I thought that it would be awesome to do. I'm so glad it came out ok. Make sure you let me know if they start getting too OOC. It gets harder to do when you start getting to the "love" stuff @_@ 

**Fish1: **Glad you enjoyed it! Plenty more, don't worry XD

**Jan: **I totally agree with you. Sanzo is always affected by Goku. I love the last episode of the first season when Sanzo gets saved cause he hears Goku's voice. Wasn't that awesome? And episode 39 is just chock full of Sanzo/Goku goodness ::gets lost in fangirl heaven:: Um, yeah ^_^;;; Anyways, have you not read any of the manga at all? Because the 8th and 9th Gensomaden mangas are just incredible!!! It's my favorite story arc ever! 

**Azure K. Mello: **Oh, ok. I see where you're coming from about the betrayal thing. I'm so glad I've converted you though. XP By the bye, I did go check out your fic, but when I tried to review it wouldn't let me ::glares at computer:: What's with the Sanzo/Hakkai, man? ~_^ I'll guess we'll just have to agree to disagree XD Hope you like this chapter! 

**Kitiara_uth_matar****: **We'll see about Homura, I have a certain thing I'm trying to do, which you'll see in two or three chapters. After that's done, I might be able to throw in some Homura for you ^_^ 

**Ethereal-tenshi: **I'm so sorry that you thought it was sad. I guess it makes sense, though it never occurred to me that people would take it that way. I promise chapter five is going to be really happy and fluffy! So just hang on! ^_^ 

**Usagi_1313: **Hey there! Updating as fast as I can @_@ Thank you for offering an opinion about Sanzo and Goku!

**Kin'ni****: **Thank you for the grammar/plot compliment, I used to be a writing tutor, so stuff like that is really important to me. As for Goku/Sanzo or Sanzo/Goku it is a dominance thing. It's Seme/Uke basically. (In case you don't know, seme is on top, and uke is on bottom)

**Rulerofthecows****: **I didn't notice that. That's so cool! I'm so lucky to have you around, I swear I'm so clueless XP ::hands over shoe::

**Naichingeru****: **Just so you know, I post once a week. I'm too busy w/work and stuff to go any faster, unfortunately @_@ Gomen. 

**Jan-i-am: **I agree with you. It seems to make more sense to me that Goku would make the first move. I'm glad you're enjoying it! 

**Ivan's Kitsune: **Well you had a short wait XP kitsune means fox right? I forgot @_@ 

For the Smile of Tomorrow

Chapter 4: Reflections

Hakkai let a thankful sigh escape his lips as they entered the next town. Luckily, they were in a highly populated area, and didn't need to camp out that night. With relationships being strained as they were, he didn't think being alone in the wilderness would be a good idea right now. They had made good time as they hadn't run into any demons on the journey, which he had thought odd. He tried commenting on it, but aside from Gojyo, who grunted in assent, the other two did not seem very surprised. 

He cast another glance at Goku in the rear view mirror. The poor boy hadn't so much as moved once since they had started their journey early that morning. He just sat, hugging his knees to his chest and staring forlornly at the passing scenery, with the mandatory "look at Sanzo every five minutes". It would have been cute, if it wasn't so heart wrenching. 

As for Sanzo, he had feigned sleep all day, though no one was buying it. It had always amazed Hakkai how Sanzo could sit perfectly still like that for hours on end. He made a mental note to ask Sanzo about it after things got back to normal. _If they ever did…_

Hakkai pulled up next to an inn and the four men climbed out of Hakuryu. The dragon transformed back into his usual self and settled on Hakkai's shoulder. He lovingly nuzzled his master's face in an attempt to cheer him up. Hakkai affectionately patted him on the head whispering his thanks. 

Sanzo walked straight into the inn and ordered three rooms. Hakkai cringed inwardly at the obvious implications. When Gojyo and he had started their relationship, Goku and Sanzo had also begun sharing a room. Though Sanzo had said that it was because he wanted to avoid any unnecessary questions, Hakkai always suspected that the monk was glad for the excuse to stay with Goku. Choosing three rooms held a double hurt though, as it flaunted their relationship and emphasized Goku and Sanzo's fight.

Upon seeing the crestfallen look on Goku's face, he could only assume that the young man felt the same. Goku had trailed in behind the other three, keeping a respectful distance away from Sanzo. But after hearing Sanzo's request, he had taken a step forward and opened his mouth as if to speak. At that moment, Sanzo had turned. Any words died on Goku's lips as the young man closed his mouth and turned away. 

"Well, we've had a long drive, why don't we go have some dinner?" Hakkai suggested. He didn't like seeing Goku this upset, and hoped that a good dinner would brighten his spirits somewhat. 

Gojyo joined in, maybe speaking just a little more cheerfully than was really necessary, "Sounds like a great idea."

"I'm not hungry." Sanzo's comment drew the other's attention. The monk curtly took his room key and went in the direction of the rooms. Goku stared after him, his expression making Hakkai's heart twist. 

"C'mon Goku," he said while handing Goku his room key. "Let's go eat. You need to keep up your strength." Goku nodded dumbly and followed Gojyo and Hakkai in the opposite direction from Sanzo. 

Dinner was a silent affair. Goku ate listlessly while the other two men watched him with open concern. After he had finished, Goku stood wordlessly and left the dining room. 

"Something's definitely going on here." Gojyo's voice brought Hakkai's attention back to the table. Gojyo leaned back in his chair and drained his glass. 

Hakkai unconsciously began to pet Hakuryu, a practice that always calmed him. "Yeah, it's never been this bad before."

"Well, Goku's never molested Sanzo before either."

"Gojyo!" Hakkai stiffened at the vulgar comment and the nonchalance with which it was spoken.  

"What? Someone had to say it." Gojyo said defensively. He leaned forward and spoke conspiratorially. "Look, we were both there when Goku brought Sanzo back to the inn. You even healed him for Buddha's sake! We both saw the state of his body and the blood on Goku's hands. If that wasn't enough, the look on the saru's face told us everything we needed to know." 

Hakkai poured himself some more sake and drank deeply before answering. "I just don't want to believe it. I mean this is Goku we're talking about here." 

"No, this is Seiten Taisei. And I wouldn't put anything past that bastard." Gojyo had spoken harshly, but his expression softened as he saw the distraught face of his lover. He put a hand over Hakkai's, offering silent comfort. He knew that Hakkai's instinct as a teacher always made him want to help and that Goku's pain was hurting him as well. 

"We should probably go talk to Goku." Hakkai finally muttered. 

"I think it might be better if only you go, I mean I'm not really good at things like that, and I think he would be more comfortable with just you." Gojyo ventured. The last thing that he wanted to do was make things worse. He knew how insensitive he could be. 

"You're not as dumb as you look." Hakkai cracked. 

"Hey!" Gojyo feigned anger, but inwardly he was glad to see Hakkai smile. 

"Sorry." Hakkai offered as he chuckled. 

"No, you're not." Gojyo pouted briefly, then looked outside. "Anyway, if you're going to be occupied, I think I'm going to go find a bar." He stood and made for the door.

"Be good." Hakkai called after him. 

"I'm always good." Gojyo called back with a devilish smirk. 

Hakkai grinned affectionately then regarded their unfinished meal. _I should probably take Sanzo some dinner._ He put together some of the untouched food on a plate for Sanzo and carried it to the monk's room. He knocked on the door, but didn't receive a response. _Not like I was expecting one._

Hakkai gently pushed the door open. Sanzo was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling and smoking. "I brought you some dinner." Hakkai said while walking into the room. 

"Che."

"Please be so kind as to take care of the dishes yourself." He placed the tray on the table in the middle of the room and left quietly and quickly. Normally he might have berated the monk for his treatment of Goku, but today he was too worried about the saru to tarry long with the monk. 

Hakkai walked across the hall to Goku's room. He knocked on the door, and once again received no reply. Hakkai found Goku's room to be little different. He was also lying on his bed and staring at the ceiling. Hakkai smothered the amused smile that the similar scene brought. 

He grabbed a chair from the table and placed it beside Goku's bed. The young man's eyes had yet to leave the ceiling, but he knew it was Hakkai. The older man didn't even have to ask, Goku began speaking on his own. 

"I don't know what to do, Hakkai. He's never treated me this way before." Goku turned his gaze to the wall and mumbled, "Of course, I've never treated him that way before either."

"What way?" Hakkai asked.

Goku punched the wall next to him in frustration. "Dammit Hakkai, you healed him, you saw his neck and stomach. You know what I did. No wonder he hates me." 

Hakkai looked out the window, digesting the information. Goku had done what he and Gojyo had suspected. The only question now was just how deeply had it affected Sanzo? There was one thing he was sure of though: "He doesn't hate you, Goku. It wasn't you, Sanzo knows that. "

Goku sat up suddenly and looked at Hakkai for the first time. "But it was me! Before I blacked out, I was thinking about doing the exact same-" Goku stopped suddenly. 

Hakkai raised an eyebrow at the slip. _I guess it is good that Gojyo isn't here._ Goku still hadn't moved, Hakkai was about to question him further when the boy spoke. 

"Do you think Sanzo will ever forgive me?" The question was spoken so softly and full of self-doubt that Hakkai instinctively moved to embrace Goku. But before he could, the door opened. Hakkai's and Goku's heads jerked towards the sound. 

Hakkai heard Goku's breath hitch at the sight of Sanzo in the doorway. The monk briefly regarded his charge before looking over at Hakkai. His expression was very clear: 'get out before I kill you'. Hakkai stood and gave Goku an encouraging smile before leaving the room. As the door closed behind him, he leaned against it momentarily. _Thank Buddha Sanzo came._

Hakkai pushed off the door and made the short trek to his room beside Sanzo's, silently wishing that Gojyo had decided to stay in tonight. He could really use the other's company right now. Seeing Goku and Sanzo's relationship suffering, made him more aware of lucky he was to have found Gojyo.

Hakkai slowly entered their empty room and began to dress for bed. Once in his more comfortable sleeping clothes he laid down on the mattress on his side staring at the empty side of the bed. It was stupid, he supposed, to be missing someone he just saw, but he couldn't help it.  "Oh, Gojyo…" he muttered.

"Yeah?" Hakkai sat up in shock and saw a certain red headed kappa standing in the doorway.

Hakkai stared dumbly for a second, before a smile began to tug at the corners of his mouth. "I thought you went out." 

"I was going to," Gojyo said as he moved into the room shutting the door behind him. He sat down on the bed, finishing his comment, "but then I decided that I would much rather be with you." He punctuated his remark by kissing Hakkai. 

Hakkai wrapped his arms around Gojyo deepening the kiss before pulling back. "Thank you."  

Gojyo looked down at him with a frown on his face. "Are you ok?" 

Hakkai smiled and nodded his head affirmatively. "I've just been reminded how lucky I am that's all." 

            ******************************************************************

Sanzo stared at the ceiling in frustration. He was trying to be mad dammit. The only problem was that he could hear Goku. The annoying thing was that no one else could. 

Even though no muffled sobs could be heard coming from the room across the hall, they were clear as bells in Sanzo's head. He had spent years listening to Goku's voice in his head. After he had saved him, the voice had gone away. Only returning when Goku was under moments of extreme duress. This was obviously one of those times. 

He had heard him all day long. Sitting "silently" in the back seat. He envied Hakkai and Gojyo sometimes. They were immune to it. He had been forced to go into meditation for the whole trip, in order to avoid breaking down and comforting Goku. Sanzo thought he needed time away from Goku to get over that morning's events, but now he wasn't so sure. 

Hakkai came into his room carrying a tray of food. He said something, but Sanzo wasn't listening. He grunted noncommittally to whatever Hakkai had said, but his thoughts were occupied elsewhere. How could he possible be angry when Goku was so obviously troubled over what he had done? It's not like it was Goku anyway. It was as though an entirely different person had attacked him. 

Sanzo frowned as he realized he had begun to absentmindedly run his fingers over the scars in his chest. His shirt was so thin that he could feel the raised skin beneath it. _His, huh?_ Even though Goku wasn't totally in control, some fear of losing him had probably fueled Seiten Taisei's actions. 

Sanzo's thoughts were interrupted as he heard Hakkai leave the room. His eyes narrowed when he realized that Hakkai was going to Goku's room. There was no way Hakkai would be able to help Goku, much as he wanted to. He couldn't hear the silent cry of Goku's heart. There was no way that he could ever understand him. _Not the way I do._

He gave a frustrated sigh and got out of bed. He left his room and crossed the hall to Goku's, but his motions ceased as he heard a soft question through the door. "Do you think Sanzo will ever forgive me?" _Bakasaru._ He thought as he opened the door. 

Goku sat up quickly in bed, his eyes widening at what he saw. Sanzo stared at him impassively as always, careful to give nothing away. Sanzo switched his gaze to Hakkai, changing it from impassive to 'leave or die.' Luckily Hakkai was very observant and quickly left the room, shutting the door behind himself. 

Sanzo listened to Hakkai's footsteps and didn't move or speak until he heard Hakkai enter his own room. Thus assured, he moved forward and sat down in the chair that Hakkai had so previously occupied. 

The entire time, Goku's eyes had never left Sanzo's face. Sanzo finally made eye contact with him and spoke. "Stop it."

 Goku blinked in confusion. As far as he knew he hadn't been doing anything. Anxious not to anger his keeper further he asked,  "Stop what?" 

"Stop crying." It was spoken strictly. Almost a demand. Sanzo inwardly mused that when one was comforting, he should probably be a little softer. 

"I'm not crying." Goku protested. _At least not outwardly._

Sanzo's eyes narrowed. "Don't lie to me." 

Goku turned his eyes away, no longer able to meet Sanzo's. He spoke contritely and with barely restrained emotion in his voice. "Gomen. Honto, gomen." 

Sanzo sighed, "It wasn't you."

"But Sanzo I-" 

"Urasai." Goku was cut off by Sanzo's statement.  "However you've convinced yourself that it was your fault, I don't care. I know you would never hurt me." Sanzo's voice softened considerably and he looked away as he almost whispered,  "So don't cry anymore." 

Goku studied Sanzo's profile, his face frozen in shock. Sanzo didn't blame him. A feeling stirred in his stomach and slowly spread throughout his body. Goku's face stretched into a smile and he felt as if he might burst with happiness. Sanzo didn't hate him.  "Sank you." 

Sanzo let a ghost of a smile cross his features. He stood to leave, but stopped as arms were thrown about his waist. Goku pressed his face into Sanzo's stomach, "Can I stay with you tonight?," he whispered. 

            **********************************************************************

A/N: Yosha! They made up! But when will they get together??? Hee, hee, guess you'll have to wait and see! To make up for all the angst, next chapter will be pure feel good fluff!! ^_^ Hopefully not out of character fluff though…..

Quick rant, feel free to skip: 

I AM SO FUCKING PISSED OFF!!!!! I have been trying all damn day to upload this chapter, but my fucking internet hasn't been working!!!!! I go down to my sister's computer, and hers is working PERFECTLY!!!!! But that doesn't help me at all b/c I can't get my file to her computer since my floppy drive is broken. And I can't email it to myself since my fucking internet is broken!!!! ::pulls out gun and shots computer:: 

Sorry for the vulgar language *^_^* 


	5. Healing

A/N: So, I tried really hard to make this chapter a little more light hearted, since it's been somewhat angsty recently. However, I am worried that this might disrupt the feel of the story and be completely out of context @_@ Please, please tell me if it's OOC! 

OMG 18 REVIEWS! I LOVE YOU GUYS ^_^ 

**Azure K Mello: **At least we can agree that we both hate Sanzo/Gojyo and Hakkai/ Goku XP My review would not have been scathing, I was just gonna say that even though I didn't agree with the pairing, I liked the way you had set it up and was enjoying it. The problem was on my end sometimes my computer is just awful. *sigh* I'm glad you didn't think it was too OC ^^

**Am1-13th: **Hey! I missed you last chapter ^^ Hooray for Goku/Sanzo! ::rubs hands together evilly:: 

**Ethereal-tenshi: **I'm glad that you weren't sad! I know I kinda set it up that way. That's so cool that you have such a nice *in his own way*  boy-toy ^^

**Nobody's Home: ***seriously considers printing out chapters to sell* Glad you're enjoying it! Computers are my bane. Can't live with, can't live without *sigh*

**Fish1: **Fast as I can @_@

**Naichingeru****: **I'm so busy it's hard to write as much as I'd like. Hopefully you didn't mind the wait. 

**Rulerofthecows****: **Let me just say that you are my hero. You crack me up ^^ I think I've read that fic you were talking about. Hakkai is "glompable-ish" that's why I love him! 

**Ivan's Kitsune: **Mmm youkai Kurama is hot! XP As for the computer: you and your damn logic! ~_^

**Dyane: **Ok, so I'm gonna count that as a vote for Goku/Sanzo XP Though I think they would prolly take turns too. 

**Kesshi****: **Yay! I'm original! Thank you! I don't want to be clichéd. Let me know if I screw up ~_^ 

**Kitiara_uth_matar****: **Actually, I'm not in school right now, so no I didn't think to use a lab.  Either way, it wouldn't have helped, cause the file was stuck on my computer. @_@ 

**Kin'ni****:** Sank you! I'm glad you're enjoying it. I've been updating every Friday-ish. Good to know you think they're not too oc, but let me know if they get to be! I hope I don't let you down ::bows:: 

**Jan: **I must say, even if I did think of it myself, that I totally loved the idea of the kanji. So creepy and fun. I'm glad you liked it too! As for Sanzo hearing Goku, that was always something I liked too and wished that others would write on. Mayhaps now that I'm an author,  I can do so ^^ "gangbusters"? oh, and if you're interested, I also have some Sanzo/Goku Japanese sites I could send you. 

**Katsa5: **Wow, what a great review ^^ Did my summary make it seem 2D? Mayhaps I should change it. I'm glad that you think it's 3D. I don't do angsty drama very well. You'll just have to settle for mildly angsty fluff XP Follow a link in my bio and you'll be able to see my fanart that I ganked from Japanese sites. I'd love to see anything you do though! That would be so cool! *^_^* 

**RiOtgrrrl****: **Yay! I have good interaction ^^ I try really hard to keep them in character. Hope you'll enjoy this one as well! 

**Gallatica****: **Hey! I missed you! Sanzo is a total softie, and the action won't come until after they make up XP Anywho, Homura was a total plot device. One big plot hole ::looks away in shame:: Don't tell anyone though XD

**Ashly****: **::trying to decide how to interpret the review:: Ano… was that a vote? Well, hopefully you're enjoying the story ^_^

**NewOrleans****: **Hey, welcome! Hopefully you've read the others and gotten this far. Glad you liked it ^^

**HEY IAPETUS!!!! ::waves:: *^_^* **

For the Smile of Tomorrow

Chapter 5: Healing

Sanzo's voice softened considerably and he looked away as he almost whispered, "So don't cry anymore." 

Goku studied Sanzo's profile, his face frozen in shock. Sanzo didn't blame him. A feeling stirred in his stomach and slowly spread throughout his body. Goku's face stretched into a smile and he felt as if he might burst with happiness. Sanzo didn't hate him. "Sank you." 

Sanzo let a ghost of a smile cross his features. He stood to leave, but stopped as arms were thrown about his waist. Goku pressed his face into Sanzo's stomach, "Can I stay with you tonight?" he whispered. 

Sanzo smiled down at Goku, who cutely had his face buried in his stomach, clearly dreading the 'no' he thought he'd hear. Sanzo brought his arms up and returned the embrace. "Baka." 

Goku felt his heart soar. Having lived with Sanzo for so long, he knew a 'yes' when he heard one. He lifted his face to look at Sanzo and stopped as he saw the smile the monk wore. Sanzo looked….happy. Goku couldn't remember the last time he had seen such an expression on Sanzo's face. 

Sanzo noticed that he had been caught and turned his gaze away. He stepped back out of the embrace and said, "Get your stuff." Then he walked across the hall and into his own room as Goku raced around getting his bag repacked. Sanzo kicked himself for letting Goku see him smile like that. He was letting his guard down. _But why is that a bad thing?_ A small voice in his head admonished him.__

Sanzo sat down at his table and contemplated that thought. If he truly wished to spend the rest of his life with Goku, then he would have to let his walls down at some point. He couldn't share a life with Goku without also sharing himself. Of course, he wasn't positive that Goku wanted to be with him in that way. He had promised to never leave Sanzo's side, but did he mean that in the way Sanzo hoped he did? 

Sanzo scowled at the table anxious for the answers he did not possess. Frustrated by doubt, he made up his mind to question Goku that very evening. He had almost completed his plan, but it would be foolhardy to do so without knowing the full ramifications. Sanzo sighed, the things he did to keep Goku smiling. 

Just then Goku burst through the door, bag slung over his shoulder, with some clothes haphazardly sticking out of it. He grinned at Sanzo and threw his bag in the corner before joining Sanzo at the table. "Aren't you hungry?" he asked eyeing the food Hakkai had brought.

Sanzo looked at the tray of rice and meat buns before answering, "Not really, you can have it if you want."

Goku frowned at the monk. "Sanzo, you haven't eaten all day."

Sanzo glared at Goku and begrudgingly picked up a bowl of rice. "This'll be enough for me, you go ahead and eat the rest of it."

After making sure that Sanzo was eating, Goku devoured the left over meat buns. He had been so distraught earlier, that he had been unable to eat properly. Goku leaned back in his chair, patting his stomach happily. He caught Sanzo's amused gaze and realized that he had finished his meal before Sanzo had even gotten halfway through his own. Goku smiled sheepishly while Sanzo merely shook his head and returned to his meal. 

Goku placed his empty plate back on the tray and watched Sanzo eat. He wanted to make sure that Sanzo ate all of his rice. Which is why he was watching his mouth so intently. Needed to make sure Sanzo was swallowing. Goku blinked in confusion and wrenched his gaze away from his companion's lips. Blushing slightly, he instead tried to concentrate on the bowl of rice. 

His eyes quickly wandered to the well defined chest behind the bowl. _Sanzo shouldn't be allowed to wear that shirt in public, it's so tight I can see-_ Goku's face fell as he discerned a kanji through Sanzo's shirt. Hakkai's comments from that morning ran through his head. He had said the wound was so deep that the scars would probably remain for many years, if not forever. 

Goku felt shame overtaking him. He knew better than anyone that Sanzo did not truly belong to him. There was no way he could lay claim to him like that. _If only I could truly say he was mine, and that I was his, then I would never have to worry about losing him again._

Sanzo looked up from his rice as he felt a change in the atmosphere. Goku was staring at his chest with a sadness that did not suit him. He read the young man's thoughts perfectly, silently wishing that Goku would stop blaming himself. Sanzo plucked a grain of rice from his bowl with his chopsticks and regarded it carefully before turning his gaze back to Goku.

Goku's head snapped up as something hit his nose. He looked around and spotted a piece of rice lying on the table. He looked over at Sanzo suspiciously, but the monk continued eating his meal, eyes intent on his bowl. Goku looked around the room, wondering if maybe Gojyo had come in without him realizing it. 

He felt something hit his cheek and this time noticed a whole clump of rice on the table. He looked back at Sanzo warily, but he hadn't sensed the other man moving. "Sanzo?" he asked tentatively. 

"Nani?" Sanzo raised his head to regard Goku, his face the picture of innocence. 

Goku felt his suspicions die at the look and muttered, "Iie, nothing."

Sanzo tilted his head slightly to the side and considered Goku for a brief moment before returning to his meal. 

Goku cautiously turned his gaze towards the ceiling, only to be hit on the chin by more rice. He looked back at Sanzo, who was calmly eating, and shouted, "I know it was you so fess up!"

"What are you talking about?" Sanzo asked, his tone sweetly oblivious. 

"I'm talking about this pile of rice that magically appeared in front of me!" Goku yelled as he jumped to his feet, knocking over his chair, and pointed at the pile of rice accumulating on the table. 

Sanzo serenely looked at the rice on the table then back at Goku. He blinked, then put another bite of rice into his mouth. 

Goku almost lost all of his momentum at the sight. _Kami__, I've never seen him so kawaii…. _He shook his head free of such thoughts and pointed his finger in Sanzo's face. "Confess, you threw rice at me!" 

Sanzo continued to ignore Goku and put his chopsticks in his bowl for another bite. He frowned when he realized that all the rice was gone. He placed the bowl back on the tray then got up and walked over to the window, lighting up a cigarette as he went. 

Goku followed closely behind him, "Don't walk away when I'm talking to you!" 

Sanzo turned around and leaned against the window sill. He took a drag and observed Goku. Inwardly, he was smiling: Goku was genki again. Feeling somewhat playful, Sanzo asked, "What are you gonna do about it?" 

Goku stopped mid rant, and looked around the room. His eyes lit upon an object near the bed. He grinned wickedly and lunged for it. "I'll hit you!" he shouted as he raised Sanzo's harisen above his head. 

Sanzo crushed his cigarette and spoke dangerously. "That's mine. Give it back."

"Make me." Goku said while sticking his tongue out. 

Sanzo took a step towards Goku, but the young man took a step back. Sanzo's eyes narrowed, assessing the situation. He leapt at Goku suddenly, but Goku was light footed enough to avoid him. He jumped behind the table and waved the harisen tauntingly. 

Sanzo glared at him before attacking again. He ran around the table as Goku ran the other way. He looked back at Sanzo, once again sticking his tongue out. Sanzo dove for the fan and got his hands on it. At that moment, Goku tripped over his chair that he had neglected to push in. He reached forward his free hand and grasped Sanzo's arm. Already off balance, Sanzo was unable to stop the fall and the two crashed to the floor.

Not wanting to crush him, Sanzo instinctively swung them around so that he landed under Goku. As it was, the wind was knocked out of him as Goku came to rest atop him. Goku picked his head up from Sanzo's chest and sat back on his stomach, looking down at the monk anxiously. "Daijobou?" 

Sanzo looked as though he were trying to say something difficult. Goku leaned forward in worry when a chuckle escaped Sanzo's lips. He froze in place, unsure of what to do. At his expression, Sanzo let go of the control he was trying to hold. He burst out laughing, so hard that Goku felt his stomach moving underneath him. 

Sanzo laughed himself out then smiled widely, "I haven't had that good of a laugh since we ran into those imposters." He reached up and ruffled Goku's hair. Then put his hands behind his head and breathed deeply. 

Meanwhile, Goku was having a life crisis. He had never in his life seen Sanzo act in such a manner. Maybe the rice had been bad. Maybe he had something closed up in his wound. Maybe he was dying. Goku began to panic as scenarios ran through his head. _Maybe he's finally letting his guard down around you_. Another voice whispered. 

Goku started at the thought. He always knew that under Sanzo's cold exterior there was something more. Konzen had been that way as well. Extremely distant, but so caring when no one else was around. Had Sanzo finally accepted him? A smile graced his features at the thought. 

Sanzo leaned back on the floor, watching the flickering emotions dance across Goku's face. _It's not really an internal struggle when you wear your heart on your sleeve_. He thought affectionately. Goku finally settled on happiness as he smiled widely down at Sanzo. 

            *******************************************************************

Hakkai broke the kiss and looked over alarmed. "Did you just hear something?" 

Gojyo sighed and looked down at Hakkai, "Iie, don't worry about it." He leaned back down and tried to restart the kiss, but Hakkai pushed him away. 

"Maybe we should go check on Goku just in case." He said while sitting up. 

Gojyo sat back and tried not to let his frustration seep into his voice. "But you said that Sanzo came in. I'm sure he's fine." 

"Gojyo." Hakkai muttered quietly, widening his eyes slightly and letting his mouth settle into a pout.   
  
_Dammit, he knows I can't resist that look…_ Gojyo glared. "Fine, fine, but you better make it worth my while."

"I will." Hakkai grinned wickedly then dumped Gojyo off of the bed. The other man cried out in protest but Hakkai was ignoring him and putting his shirt back on.

"Shimatta." Gojyo cursed as he followed Hakkai out the door.

Said man went to Goku's room and knocked on the door. When he received no answer, he opened it. He was stunned to discover that it was devoid of the boy and his possessions. "Did they have another fight?" He anxiously asked then went across the hall to Sanzo's room. __

He opened the door without knocking, already speaking, "Sanzo have you seen Goku, he's not in his—" Hakkai trailed off as he saw the scene before him. Sanzo was lying on his back with his legs slung over a fallen chair and Goku was settled on his stomach, faces inches away from each other. Gojyo burst out into fits of laughter at the sight, and Hakkai hit him in the stomach to shut him up. "Sorry to disturb you, I'll just take your dishes and leave you alone." 

"Yeah, I'm sure you two have a lot of talking to do." Gojyo gave Goku a lecherous wink as Hakkai pushed him out the door.

"That is the last time I worry about those two." He muttered as he closed the door behind them. 

Gojyo slung an arm around his companion and spoke with merriment, "Cheer up, love. It's not like we'll ever get the chance to see the great Sanzo-sama in such a position again." 

Hakkai unsuccessfully kept an evil grin from crossing his face, "That's true." 

            *******************************************************************

Goku hadn't moved the entire time Gojyo and Hakkai were in the room. He had stayed put eyes wide in horror. After the door shut, he turned his head to apologize for embarrassing Sanzo and was suddenly made aware of how close their faces were. Sanzo turned his eyes to Goku when he sensed the movement of his head and Goku found himself transfixed by Sanzo's gaze. He stared mutely, acutely aware of Sanzo's breath on his face and the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. 

"Goku." Sanzo's voice seemed so deep and warm. Goku could not only hear his voice but feel it as well. He instantly decided that he liked the sensation. He noticed the questioning look in Sanzo's eyes and sheepishly climbed off of him, immediately missing his warmth. He walked over to his bag and began making himself a pallet on the floor. 

Sanzo sat up slightly and followed Goku's movements. Just then it seemed as if Goku had wanted to stay with him. Sanzo took the boy's actions as encouragement and said, "You can sleep on the bed." 

Goku's head turned at the comment, but Sanzo had stood and was once again walking to the window. Goku crawled into the bed, thankful that he didn't have to sleep on the floor. Once situated, he studied Sanzo's profile and was struck yet again by how attractive he was. Now that Sanzo was watching the sunset, he was able to stare freely at the other man. 

He looked at the hair he had always loved. It constantly reminded him of sunlight, and looked even more so as the dying rays of the sun glinted off of it. He wondered what it would feel like if he were to run his fingers through it. His gaze wandered lower as he took in the muscular form. He frowned as he noticed Sanzo absentmindedly rubbing his chest. "Does it hurt?" He asked softly. 

"Iie." Sanzo muttered. "Demo, it aches sometimes…." Sanzo looked down and carefully traced the patterns of the kanji. He took the final drag off of his cigarette as the sun dropped behind the horizon leaving the room dark. 

Goku felt his heart twist at the other's words. He turned his gaze away from Sanzo and stared at the sheets. "Gomen."

Sanzo walked over to the bed and sat down next to Goku. He studied the boys contrite posture and gathered his courage together. "Did you mean what you said last night?" He asked, his voice betraying only the slightest hint of insecurity. 

"Oro?" Goku raised his head and met Sanzo's gaze. 

Sanzo was tempted to look away, but instead held the look and spoke with determination, "You said you wanted to stay with me forever, did you mean it?" 

Goku leaned forward, speaking quickly, "Of course I did. I'll stay with you until you die, and then I'll wait for you another five hundred years if I have to. I'll go back to the mountain so you'll know where to find me. I—" 

"Goku…." Sanzo cut Goku off quietly then paused searching for the right words. "If you truly wish to be with me, I'll never push you away or leave you. So…. don't be afraid anymore." 

Goku looked at Sanzo in awe. His face was illuminated by only starlight, but Goku could discern the look of uncertainty on his face. Goku realized then the magnitude of what Sanzo was doing. He had left himself open and vulnerable to Goku. If he wanted to, he had the ability to hurt Sanzo very deeply with his next choice of words. Goku felt a surge of emotion at the trust Sanzo was placing in him at that moment. "I'll never leave you." 

Sanzo's face instantly relaxed and he released the breath he hadn't realized he was holding. "Then it's settled." He said, more to himself than to Goku. His next movements surprised Goku immensely, as he pulled back the covers and climbed in next to Goku. He laid on his back and closed his eyes. 

Goku recovered from his shock and murmured "Oyasumi, Sanzo." The other man simply grunted, and Goku smiled at him before settling on his side, facing Sanzo. 

Wanting to test the boy's feelings further without his knowledge, Sanzo let his breathing deepen through meditation techniques and began to feign sleep. Soon enough he felt a warm hand on his face, tentatively tracing over his cheek and jaw bones. In an attempt to encourage him, Sanzo leaned into the touch, sighing a little. The hand withdrew back momentarily, but soon returned.

He heard Goku take a deep breath just before the hand moved up and into his hair. Sanzo had to concentrate on keeping his breathing normal but he didn't have to feign the enjoyment he felt. No one had ever dared get near enough to him to do anything like play with his hair, and Sanzo found that he quite enjoyed the feeling. 

He leaned into the touch even more, and discovered that Goku was lying very close to him when his nose brushed up against the other's. Goku squeaked a little and jerked his head back in surprise, but Sanzo maintained his composure. He moved his head down so that it rested in the crook of Goku's neck.

Goku stiffened, but soon wrapped his spare arm around Sanzo's waist and continued playing with his hair. The young man shifted so that he was now lying on his back and Sanzo was more than happy to lay one arm across the other's stomach and his head on his chest. Sanzo sighed contentedly and allowed his whole body to relax. Quite against his own will, he felt himself falling asleep. 

Goku stared at the ceiling, eyes opened in astonishment. Here he was with Sanzo in his arms, playing with his hair. He felt the other man relax completely and press himself against Goku unconsciously. He began to blush at the sensation, but it was not an unpleasant one. 

His free hand began to stroke the small of Sanzo's back as he tried to sort out his thoughts. _I told him that I want to stay with him forever, and I do. Does that entail more than just staying at his side?_ His less than plutonic thoughts from that morning came to mind. It would be stupid at this point to deny that he was attracted to Sanzo. The heat he felt was proof enough of that. But how could he tell if it was just hormones or something more. 

He thought about their conversation from the night before. Sanzo had said that he would want to leave him and have a life of his own. He knew that he could never have a life without his sun, it was impossible. Then Sanzo had promised him that he would never leave him. Goku never thought he would get such a confession from the other man. 

His mind wandered to Konzen and his time spent under the mountain. He had lived a life with Sanzo, and he had lived a life without him. He knew what it was like to be away from his warmth. Though he knew Sanzo would eventually die, he never wanted to be far from him and would enjoy the time he had to its fullest. 

It was much more than a desire to be physically near Sanzo. He also wanted to other man's trust and respect. He wanted Sanzo to tell him things that he didn't tell anyone else. He wanted to know everything he could about his sun. He wanted Sanzo to keep his smile and his laugh only for him. He wanted to be special to Sanzo as Sanzo was special to him. Was it wrong to want these things from someone that he—

"I love you." He whispered. Eyes widening as he realized his true feelings. He lowered his head and buried his nose in Sanzo's hair, inhaling his scent as his other arm tightened around his waist. In his sleep, Sanzo responded, also clinging tighter to Goku. 

Now there was only one problem. How was he going to make Sanzo fall in love with him? 

            *************************************************************************

A/N: I just love it when they sleep together ^_^ Next chapter! Morning comes! And Goku goes to Gojyo for some advice ::evil grin:: 


	6. Questions

A/N: Gomen, it's a little late, but my younger sisters were home for Spring Break this week, so I spent my free time with them instead of writing. Hopefully, this chapter doesn't reflect the small amount of time I spent on it…. @_@ 

Once again, to my reviewers, you guys are awesome! ::throws candy:: 

**M Li:** Glad you didn't think it was ooc. We'll see about this next chapter… I haven't made up my mind about Seiten Taisei yet. 

**Iapetus****: **It's ok, I understand, my computer sucks too. Sanzo's just a big faker. He just wants to be loved XP I think he's so cute too, so I like to create situations where he can be so ^^

**Katsa5: **I'm glad you liked the mix o' fluff and angst ^^ I liked your fanart, the one  of Legato in a dress was pretty cool, I need to find that fic. I'm not sure which is worse, Hakkai/Sanzo or Hakkai/Goku @_@ Oh right, platonic…. ::goes and hides in shame:: 

**Fish1: **Hahaha, I hope the next one is good too….

**Ivan's Kitsune: **Don't feel bad about the logic thing. You alone hold your sanity in an otherwise insane world. I salute you! And, it's more information than advice XD 

**Sarai****: **The jury's still out on Sanzo/Goku or Goku/Sanzo. For now you'll be seeing slight elements of both till I decide. 

**Azure K Mello: **Skipping is fun. ^^ Your review made me want to skip as well. 

**Ashly****: **No shame in getting a sugar high. It's cheaper and less damaging than crack ~_^

**ZioN****:** Gojyo is just chock full of good information for our little saru ::evil grin::

**Nobody's Home: **Yay! Glad you liked it. Sweetness is always fun ^^

**Ethereal-tenshi: **That's so cute about your boyfriend. What a sweetie. I'll let you be the judge of whether Gojyo does more harm than good XP

**New Orleans: **Welcome! ^^ Glad you enjoyed it enough to stick with it, hopefully this chapter doesn't  disappoint. 

**Kin'ni****: **I think Gojyo does a fantastic job myself ^^ Poor innocent Goku….

**Chii****: **Me too! Everyone should write them!!!! ^^

**Kitiara_uth_matar****: **Information more than advice, I kinda misled. Matar means 'to kill' in Spanish… ::looks suspiciously:: XD

**Rulerofthecows****: **I liked the rice idea too, I was trying to do something no one's done before. As always, you crack me up and put a smile on my face ^^ 

**Yudi****-chan: **They should be kissing soon, but it's a little early yet. Mada mada dane ^^ 

**Nekowingzero****: **Ah, poor lost soul who likes Sanzo with Hakkai… ::shakes head sadly:: At least you're on the right path ~_^ Gojyo's not that bad, it'll be fine ^^

**Am1 the 13th: **Hey Ami-chan! *^_^* Are you gonna update soon? ::puppy eyes:: S'okay about the missed chappie, just glad you're still here ^^ Hope you enjoy the moments in this one!

**Sugar Goddess: **I have to stop there… Or else you won't read anymore XP

**Chibis**** Unleashed: **Everyone has so little faith in Gojyo… I wonder why. ^^ Sorry, my update was late ::bows::

For the Smile of Tomorrow

Chapter 6: Questions

Goku squeezed his eyes against the sunlight threatening to invade them. It was far too early for him to be awake. He began to roll over in order to bury his head into his pillow for a few more hours of sleep when he realized that he couldn't move. He cracked one eye open, then opened both at what he saw. Sanzo was lying on top of him, with his arms wrapped around his middle. Arms that had tightened at Goku's attempts to move. His breathing was deep and regular, signaling sleep. 

Last night's events came to mind and he smiled to himself. _Funny, I never thought he'd be that affectionate. _Goku thought as he relaxed and decided to lay awake enjoying this feeling rather than go back to sleep. He put one hand behind his head and began to absentmindedly trace patterns on Sanzo's back with the other. 

He found his hand wandering lower on the other man and was startled when his fingers met warm flesh. Sanzo's shirt had ridden up slightly during the night, exposing a small portion of skin. Goku let his fingers ghost across the skin for a few moments before pulling the shirt up further and putting his hand flush against Sanzo. He began to move his hand and smiled at the sensations it produced. 

Sanzo's skin felt like…._ I can't put it into words. But it's nice._ He was overwhelmed with the desire to let his hand wander all over Sanzo's body. His hand brushed against the top of Sanzo's jeans and Goku's breath quickened ever so slightly. He let his fingers barely go under the waistband, lightly tracing the skin underneath. 

Goku was beset by desire for Sanzo. He wanted to do _something._ He just didn't know what. He realized that he was totally clueless in terms of sex. What would happen if Sanzo returned his feelings like he hoped. Would they lie next to each other all night? As much as Goku was enjoying it, he knew there had to be more. His body told him there had to be more. 

He had walked in on Gojyo and Hakkai in the middle of something the other morning. His eyes light up as an idea crossed his mind. He would ask Gojyo! That ero kappa knew everything there was to know about sex. That way, he would be prepared next time. 

Sanzo shivered and moaned slightly as he awoke. Goku realized belatedly that his hand was still moving and was about to remove it when a still sleepy Sanzo murmured, "Mmm, feels good…" 

Sanzo couldn't remember the last time he had slept so deeply or so well. He hadn't woken up once during the night. Normally, he was so on edge that he didn't get much sleep and woke immediately at the slightest threatening sound. He hadn't understood how much that had taxed him until he gave his body a good night's rest. He was overcome with exhaustion and wanted nothing more than to spend the day in bed. 

He was aware of a warmness surrounding him, but was too tired to figure out what it was. Through half opened eyes he could discern light in the room. "What time is it?" he mumbled, noting with interest that his voice was being muffled by someone's shirt. 

"Early." Goku answered, "Go back to sleep." 

"Mmm k." Sanzo felt his mind slipping back into unconsciousness, but he managed to mutter a sleepy "Oyasumi."

Goku smiled fondly. Sanzo had to be half dead to be so considerate. "Ohayo." He corrected, but Sanzo was already sleeping. 

            ******************************************************************

_Konzen!_

_Sanzo looked up from his papers in time to see a ball of energy jump into his lap. Golden eyes smiled up at him happily as he was crowned with daisies. He felt a smile tugging at his lips as he affectionately patted the young child on the head._

_Konzen!_

_Now those eyes were staring at him impatiently. The boy ran back to Sanzo and started pulling on his arm, dragging him down the hall and talking about a new book that he was going to borrow from Ten-chan. Sanzo allowed himself to be pulled forward. For some reason he didn't feel like wrenching his hand free from the other's grasp._

_Konzen!_

_Those same eyes were filled with childish anger as they glared at him. Sanzo couldn't help but chuckle at the site. The youth seemed to take offense at first, but quickly smiled when he realized that he had somehow pleased his keeper.  _

_Konzen!!!_

_Tears streamed from those normally radiant eyes and Sanzo jerked his gaze away from the sight only to be greeted with the reason for those tears. He was dying and he couldn't stop it, but he wanted to see the other smile again. One last time before he was gone for good. He asked the other to wait for him, he would return if the other would only wait. The young boy smiled weakly at the thought and that smile was the last thing Sanzo saw before everything faded to black. _

            *********************************************************************

Sanzo shot up in shock, arms planted on either side of Goku's head. He stared down at Goku, eyes momentarily unfocused. The dream faded with consciousness, but an overwhelming sense of sadness remained. Sanzo tried to recall the events of the nightmare he must have had, but the details eluded him. All he could recall were golden eyes filled with tears and one final, brave smile. 

His eyes slowly focused and he locked gazes with the boy underneath him. Goku was searching his features worriedly, trying to discern what had upset Sanzo so badly. "Sanzo?" he asked, concern evident in his voice.

Sanzo showed no indication that he had heard Goku, instead he raised one hand and slowly outlined the frown on Goku's face. Goku felt his pulse quicken as Sanzo's thumb tarried on his bottom lip, tugging his mouth open slightly. 

"Kami, I must have been born under a lucky star." Gojyo grinned widely. He had enjoyed catching the two of them in an embarrassing situation last night, but never thought he'd be able to again. If he had known that he'd get to see them in bed, he would have suggested checking up on the other two up himself. 

"Sumisen," Hakkai said while trying to hid his own grin. "Usually you would have been downstairs hours ago, so I thought that maybe…." Hakkai let the sentence hang. In truth he didn't know what he thought, but it certainly wasn't what was in front of him. 

An uncomfortable silence filled the room, and Gojyo was more than happy to fill it. "Sleep well?" 

Hakkai slapped him on the stomach then turned back to the pair, "We ordered breakfast, so come and eat whenever you're ready." He turned and pushed Gojyo out the door. Once it was closed Sanzo and Goku could hear the hanyou's laughter as it faded down the hall. 

Sanzo rolled off Goku and stared daggers at the ceiling. "I'm going to kill Gojyo one of these days." He turned his head towards Goku who looked back with a slight blush on his features. Sanzo felt his own face beginning to heat up, so he quickly turned away. "We'd better go eat before it gets cold." He said while getting out of the bed.

He stopped when he felt a hand on his arm. He turned and met Goku's serious gaze. "Daijobou?" 

"Aa." He answered placing a hand over Goku's reassuringly. "It was just a nightmare." He smiled and flicked the end of Goku's nose before rising fully and getting his shoes. 

Goku rubbed his nose in disbelief and went to his own bag to get dressed for the day. He turned and saw that Sanzo was occupied with his boots, so he undressed and dressed as quickly as possible. _It's not like he's never seen me change before…_

He turned back around and saw Sanzo sitting at the table and politely gazing out the window. He smiled and ran over to the man, grabbing his hand and exclaiming. "I'm starving, Sanzo, let's go!" 

The monk smiled and allowed himself to be pulled from his chair and down the hall. 

            *************************************************************************

Sanzo sat down at the table and began to eat, pointedly ignoring the ero kappa leering at him from the other side of the table. Gojyo, however, refused to be ignored. "So… nice to see that you and Goku have kissed and made up."

Sanzo looked up from his meal and shot Gojyo a warning look while deliberately pulling out his gun and placing it on the table. Figuring Goku would be less likely to kill him, Gojyo turned his attentions to the genki youth. "You're in a good mood. Any special reason?"

Goku stopped mid-chew and, fighting a blush, retaliated, "Bite me." 

"You wish, you damned monkey." Gojyo slung back. 

"Like anyone would want your nasty mouth on them!" Goku shouted, standing up.

"I'll have you know there are plenty of people who do and have!" Gojyo stood and gave Goku a shove. 

Both men suddenly paused and glanced at Hakkai, "No offense." They said simultaneously. 

The brunette smiled, "None taken."

Momentum lost, Gojyo sat back down and pulled out his pack of cigarettes. He felt for one, and cursed when he realized it was empty. "Dammit. I'm outta cigarettes." He said while standing.

"I'll go with you." Goku immediately volunteered, shoving the rest of his breakfast into his mouth as quickly as he could. He could feel his companions' incredulous looks but chose to ignore them. He jumped up and followed Gojyo to the door. 

"Don't be too long, we need to get on our way in order to reach the next town." Hakkai called after them.

"Yes dear." Gojyo shot back before they disappeared. 

Sanzo stood and said, "I need cigarettes too." He picked up his gun and put it back into his jeans.

"You're getting your _own_ cigarettes?" Hakkai asked disbelievingly. 

Sanzo shot him a withering glare and muttered, "Che, it's not like I don't do it myself when ya'll aren't around to do it for me." [1]

            ****************************************************************

Gojyo cast a look at Goku before returning his gaze to the road ahead. The saru was very interested in the ground at the moment, and didn't seem too keen on talking even though it was obvious he wanted to. Unwilling to wait any longer, Gojyo figured he better bring it up, "So, what's on your mind?" 

Goku looked up quickly and spoke defensively. "What makes you think something is?" Gojyo looked at him knowingly and Goku raised his hands in defeat. "All right, all right." Goku had hoped for the chance to casually bring it up, but he supposed that bluntness would work too. "How does sex work?" 

After Gojyo had stopped laughing, he put an arm around Goku's shoulders and began speaking in the same tone Hakkai often used when explaining things, "Now you see Goku, when two people love each other very much, or if they're just lonely, or if they're very drunk, or if only one's drunk, or if they're just in the mood, or….."

"Gojyo."

"Fine, fine. Jeez, you're no fun." Gojyo looked around and spotted the perfect place for their conversation. He grabbed Goku and pulled him into a bath shop. 

Goku looked around at the different kind of soaps and perfumes then looked at Gojyo confusedly. "Gojyo, what are we doing here?"

"Getting supplies." He answered as he pulled Goku over to the section he was looking for. 

Goku eyed the different colored bottles in front of him. "For what?" He immediately regretted asking as he saw the grin on Gojyo's face. 

            *****************************************************************

Sanzo walked into a shop at the edge of town. The building was somewhat rundown and looked as though it hadn't seen any business in awhile. It was dark inside and he didn't see a clerk anywhere. He began to peruse the items on the shelf. He picked up an item that looked as though it would work. It was small and indiscreet. He could hid it from the others very easily. 

A man walked in from the back and stopped as he saw someone in his store. "Can I help you?" 

"How much is this?" Sanzo asked holding up the object. 

"Don't get too many people shopping for those these days. What do you need it for?"  
  


"I don't see how that's any of your concern." Sanzo stated coldly while handing his card over.

The clerk rang up the item, not pressing the issue as he was happy for the business. He handed the card and item to Sanzo who quickly thanked him then left the store. He looked around to make sure Goku and Gojyo hadn't seen him come out. He stuck his card and purchase into his pocket and began the walk back to the inn. 

Halfway there, he saw Gojyo and Goku walking out of a store. Goku looked thoroughly scandalized and Gojyo looked as though he were having the time of his life. As he drew nearer he began to overhear their conversation: "Now, I like this flavor best because-"

"Gojyo! Don't talk so loud." Goku said desperately looking around. He froze as he caught sight of Sanzo. 

"Ah! Sanzo-sama, fancy meeting you here." Gojyo drawled, casually tossing an arm on the other's shoulder. 

Sanzo immediately slapped it off snapping "Don't touch me." 

Gojyo cast Goku a meaningful glance, then spoke uncaringly. "Who wants to touch you anyway? I'm going back to the inn to find someone who welcomes my company." He flicked Sanzo off then stalked away in the direction of the inn.

Goku looked over at Sanzo but quickly had to look away as his newfound knowledge came to mind. "What were you buying?"

"Huh?" Goku seemed caught off guard by the question. "Oh,  you know... Gojyo needed… stuff..." 

"Che." Sanzo didn't care about Gojyo's shopping habits. He just had thought he'd seen Goku with something as well. He must have been mistaken.

"What are you doing out?" Goku asked, finally able to look at Sanzo without letting his thoughts run wild. 

"Cigarettes." Sanzo answered without missing a beat.

Goku looked for the normal carton or two they usually purchased for Sanzo. "Where are they?"  
  


"Haven't gotten them yet." He answered matter-of-factly. 

"So ka." Goku responded. 

Sanzo began walking again and Goku fell into step beside him. There was a comfortable silence between them, each involved with his own thoughts of his recent purchase. They stopped briefly at a vending stand and Sanzo got his usual carton. Sanzo quickly opened one pack and lit up. 

"I bet those make you taste bad." Goku commented absentmindedly, then immediately covered his mouth and looked at Sanzo in shock.

Sanzo froze mid stride and let the cigarette fall from his lips. The last thing he needed to be thinking about in the middle of a crowded street was Goku tasting him. 

"Gomen… What I meant was… You see…" Goku was saved from having to speak anymore as he caught sight of Hakkai and Gojyo waiting in the jeep. 

"I already checked us out and got your things." Hakkai called, "I knew you wanted to leave as soon as possible." 

Sanzo and Goku climbed into the jeep and the Sanzo-ikkou continued on their way. Though no one said anything, all were happy when the sound of Goku and Gojyo's fighting soon filled the air, drowning out the sound of the engine. 

            ********************************************************************

[1] Not so sure if Sanzo would say "ya'll" but since I'm a Southerner, I refuse to type "you guys" XP 

A/N: No evil cliffie this chapter. ^^  Next chapter: the completion of Sanzo's plan! ::much fanfare and trumpets and such:: 


	7. Forever

A/N: Ah, the long-awaited chapter. Or at least, long-awaited by me, cause I know what happens. Ya'll might not ~_^ I've been looking forward to this juncture, it's the entire reason that I wrote this story. I hope I've done it justice…

Once again, I love you guys! I have 44 more reviews on this story than I had on my other one at this point! Thanks so much! *^_^* 

**Katsa5:** Well, you get to see what Sanzo bought this chapter, Goku's should come out in the next. No leather and/or needles, no worries. I love answering reviews, they're like mini emails o' fun ^_^ Mmmm fried rice… Haruhetta… 

**Ethereal-tenshi: **You have to let me know if you guessed right about what they bought, though you only see Sanzo's purchase this chapter. 

**Iapetus****: **I agree, Goku needs to know what he's getting into. Of course, Sanzo is still clueless. Mayhaps a demonstration is in order? XD  Sleepy Sanzo is SO MUCH FUN! ^_^ 

**M Li: **That line seemed to be an all around favorite. I just laugh whenever I imagine Sanzo's face at that moment ^^ 

**ZioN****: ** Well, you find out this chapter. Did you guess correctly?

**Azure K. Mello: **Whether it be lame or cliché, it still made me laugh XP 

**Nekowingzero****: **Hai hai, though not terribly realistic, it certainly is more fun to have them get caught like that. Everyone was so doubtful of Gojyo's ability to be helpful… He really is a nice guy… sometimes ^_^

**Ami-chan! **First of all, that ecard was so sweet! Thank you! *^_^* And thank you for the very fun update of your story! And lastly, thanks so much for always helping me with my stories!! ::gazes off into the sunset:: 

**Kitiara­_uth_matar****: **Ah, my bad. My little sister reads those books, she says they're great. Evil women are fun ^^ 

**Caffeine High: **Welcome to the fic ^^ I update weekly, so hopefully the wait wasn't too bad. 

**Rulerofthecows****:** You never fail to bring a smile to my face. *^_^* Speaking of apparel, I work at Old Navy, and we just got these new shirts in that have 53 on them. Every time I see them I just think "Gojyo/Sanzo? UGH!" It makes for a very unpleasant work environment… 

**not important: **That's an interesting thought, and one that's never occurred to me. Thanks for the input! I really appreciate feedback ^^

**lillillillittlerin****:** Did I spell that right? ::scratched head:: *sits back and enjoys Japanese cheer* ^^ 

**Kin'ni****: **Hahaha, You only get to see one purchase this chapter. Gomen. Hopefully, it's enough for you. 

**Chibis**** Unleashed:** You know, I was on a volleyball trip and some girl  started telling me about how much she liked banana flavored condoms… ::Hakkai blows whistle:: TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!!! 

**Ami-chan's (Am1-the-13th) birthday is really soon! Make sure ya'll wish her a happy one! **

For the Smile of Tomorrow

Chapter 7: Forever

The river ran alongside the jeep. It shone a beautiful deep blue as the sunlight danced across its surface. Sanzo found himself staring at the water, entranced by its wild nature. The water almost seemed to be racing the jeep. Both flying towards the West for reasons of their own. 

He was getting close now. He knew that he had to be. It was only a matter of time at this point before he completed his plan. He was fairly confident that Goku would be pleased. However, the young man would probably be shocked at first, since Sanzo had not shared his idea beforehand. 

Sanzo looked towards the North as he felt a large presence of youkai headed their way. He turned his head to face Hakkai who merely nodded without taking his eyes from the road. The jeep slowed to a halt and the four men climbed out. Hakuryu transformed and settled on Hakkai's shoulder as they stood and waited.

The terrain they had been traveling over was mostly plains with a few scattered trees. For this reason, it wasn't long before they could see the attack party, which was much larger than the ones they had been encountering recently. 

Sanzo could hardly reign in his anticipation as he pulled out his gun and checked to make sure it was fully loaded. Beside him, Gojyo and Goku called forth their weapons, and Hakkai began to gather his chi. 

As the youkai neared, they quickly moved to circle the four men, foolishly thinking that they would have an advantage if they did so. The air was tense as four men faced off against eighty. Each side stood still, waiting for the other to make the first move. 

Growing impatient, Goku yelled enthusiastically, "Dibs on the East side!"

"I'll take the North" Gojyo pronounced while getting into an offensive position. 

"South." Hakkai spoke with a smile. 

"West." Sanzo muttered. At his word they all jumped forward and into the fray. 

Sanzo immediately took out six youkai with his gun, then skillfully dodged attacks while he reloaded. He knew this routine so well that he almost didn't have to think. Shoot. Dodge. Reload. It was a twisted dance and he reveled in it. 

He finally killed enough that he could begin to see his traveling companions through the crowd. They were also destroying the enemy at an impressive speed. Sanzo quickly assessed how many were left around him, and a smile crossed his features when he saw the number. 

"Perfect." His smugness seemed to enrage the youkai within hearing range because they all suddenly attacked with renewed fervor. Sanzo easily countered them, slowly counting in his head. _One._ Sanzo's blood became hot and coursed through his veins, spurring him on. He lost himself in the fight, killing without mercy or regret. 

One youkai managed to wrench his gun from his grasp. The youkai smiled victoriously and slung the gun as far as he could. Unfazed, Sanzo reached forward and broke its neck. _Just because I use a gun, doesn't mean I'm weak without it._ Sanzo turned quickly as he felt another behind him. He thrust his hand through it's chest, killing it instantly. 

He looked down at his hand and resisted the urge to lick off the blood running down his arm. There were still a few left to kill, he had to stay focused. He dropped into a fighting posture. The remaining youkai blanched for a moment, and Sanzo could almost taste their fear of him. The moment passed, and they attacked, desperate to kill the monster in front of them.

Sanzo just smiled. 

            ***********************************************************************

Goku crashed his Nyoi-bou into the head of a youkai then through the chest of the last one. He turned quickly as he felt something hit his foot. He swung his weapon ready to attack, but froze when he saw what it was: Sanzo's gun. His eyes began to frantically search the area for Sanzo. He was good at martial arts, but with a group of youkai this large, he needed his gun. 

He picked up the weapon and made for the blond head he saw surrounded by five youkai. It was a little distance away, but he was sure he could reach Sanzo in time to help him. He didn't though. By the time he made it to where Sanzo was, the youkai were already dead. Sanzo withdrew his hand from the fifth and final youkai, watching the blood slide down his hand with obvious pleasure.

Goku felt as though the world had stopped. His eyes moved slowly from the blood stained claws, past the black sun on his left shoulder, up to the feral grin made even more so by the fangs that now accented it. Sanzo's hair had grown slightly longer, but it did nothing to hid the pointed ears sticking out from underneath. 

"Masaka..." he whispered, taking a step back and gaining the attention of Sanzo, who turned his gaze from his hands to stare at the young man in front of him. Goku flinched at the murderous intent clear in Sanzo's now slitted eyes. He didn't want to fight Sanzo, but he had to do something to stop him. His hands tightened around Nyoi-bou as he prepared to receive an attack. Sanzo took a few menacing step towards him, but stopped suddenly in obvious confusion. 

Sanzo's blood was pounding in his ears. He could feel darkness all around him, threatening to overtake him. His body was screaming at him, telling him to kill the demon in front of him. But as he stared into those golden eyes, he was positive that he didn't want to destroy them. _Kill. Kill. Kill. _The words echoed through his consciousness like a mantra, but a smaller voice was telling him otherwise. 

Sanzo tried to focus on that voice, but it was hard to hear it over the pounding in his head. However, he found that the more he looked at those golden eyes in front of him, the easier the voice was to hear. He concentrated on it, gaze never wavering from Goku's. He felt his blood calm slightly, and regained some semblance of control over himself. 

He slowly brought up one hand, as if he were having to fight himself to do so, and put it in his pocket, grasping the object inside. Just holding it helped immensely. With surer movements, he slid the small gold object onto his right ring finger and instantly felt the blood inside being sealed. He fell to his knees as the newfound power vanished, leaving him feeling faintly dizzy. 

Goku was instantly at his side, asking if he was ok. Sanzo didn't respond to his questions, but stood back up placing his hand to his head. The flash of gold caught his eye and he pulled his hand back to stare at the demon limiter now resting on his finger. He had done it. 

"You did that on purpose." Goku and Sanzo both turned their heads at the sound of Hakkai's voice. He and Gojyo were standing a few feet away, watching the scene in shock.  "You had this planned." He continued accusingly, barely veiled anger seeping into his voice. 

Sanzo drew himself up glaring at Hakkai. The brunette's mouth opened in surprise as he read and understood the expression in Sanzo's eyes. He turned his eyes towards Goku, then nodded his head in understanding. _I see…_ He slipped his normal smile back in place. "Ne, Goku, why don't you accompany Sanzo down to the river and help him get washed up. Gojyo and I will go a little further up the road and set up camp." 

Goku nodded dumbly and began to walk in the direction that Hakkai spoke of. He couldn't believe what he had just seen. Why would Sanzo allow this to happen? He could have easily avoided becoming a demon. _I thought he had to be _bathed_ in the blood of a thousand youkai, and Sanzo was always very careful not to—_Goku stopped walking as he recalled Sanzo's new interest in fighting as well as his uncharacteristic habit of getting blood on himself while he did so…

Beside him, Sanzo was equally silent. He pulled off his arm protectors which were drenched in the blood of the youkai he had just slain. He wrinkled his nose in disgust and stuck them in the back of his jeans. He then took off his shirt and began to wipe his hands on it. Figuring that he could clean the shirt later, he wanted the blood off of his skin _now._ Sanzo halted when he felt Goku stop. He turned and saw the young man staring at him in disbelief. He moved towards him and reached out a hand, "Goku, are you ok?"

Goku responded by grabbing his hand and staring at the ring on Sanzo's finger. He traced it lightly as he spoke, confusion seeping into his words. "Hakkai was right. You planned this, you knew it would happen." He looked up at Sanzo searchingly, openly displaying all of his emotions.

"Aa." Sanzo answered carefully. Goku was more upset than he thought he would be. He would have to handle the situation cautiously. 

"Why?" Goku asked, stepping forward and gripping Sanzo's hand more tightly. "Why would you do that to yourself?" 

Sanzo dropped his shirt and brought up his now free hand and caressed Goku's face. "Because, no matter what, I can't help but want to see your smile." 

Goku blinked in confusion. "My smile? How can I be happy when you've become what you most hate. You've become-"

"I've become someone who can promise you forever." Sanzo cut him off quietly. From the look he was getting, Sanzo could see that Goku still did not understand the full implications of what he had done and why he did it. He dropped his eyes to the hand that Goku was still grasping and continued to speak in a quiet tone: 

"I guess it's selfish of me, but I want to be the reason for your smile. As a mortal, I would die. I would no longer be a source of happiness for you, but a source of pain. One day someone would teach you to smile again. You would find a source of happiness outside of myself, and you would go on living without me." Sanzo paused and raised his eyes to meet Goku's. "I don't want that to happen though. I want to be the reason you smile. Forever."

Sanzo looked at Goku searchingly and made a decision. It was now or never. What happened next would either guarantee him a lifetime of heaven or hell. He closed his eyes, imprinting the image of Goku at this moment into his memory. When he reopened his eyes they were missing the usual walls. For the first time in seven years he looked at Goku without his mask. Completely honest, and withholding nothing. 

Goku opened his mouth in shock and took a step back. "You… you…" For once, his emotions were veiled to Sanzo. He could not discern how Goku took what he had just revealed. _Might as well go all out._

"I love you, Goku." The words were spoken softly, but determinedly. His next statement, however, held a twinge of doubt, "And I was hoping that maybe you loved me too." Sanzo stood as a man at a mark. He had told Goku everything, and his life now depended on the next words to leave Goku's mouth. 

Goku tore his gaze away from Sanzo's and stared at the ground. He was in no way prepared for anything that had just happened. Sanzo's behavior the day before. His transformation into a demon for _his sake._ And now his confession. Goku felt as though his entire world had been pulled out from under him.

However, despite everything that had changed, there was one constant. One thing that had never changed. He looked back at Sanzo who was anxiously awaiting his response. Goku smiled. A small one at first, but it slowly grew as everything sank in. Sanzo _loved_ him, and he would never have to be alone again. 

Unable to articulate the joy he felt at that moment, Goku pulled Sanzo's hand hard, causing the monk to fall a little forward. Goku raised up his other hand and caught the back of Sanzo's head, maneuvering it towards his own. Sanzo's gasp of surprise was cut off as Goku kissed him. 

Sanzo recovered quickly. He put his arms around Goku's waist and pulled him closer. Goku had one hand entwined in his hair and the other caressing his face. Sanzo opened his mouth in surprise as he felt something other than lips. Goku took the opportunity and slid his tongue into Sanzo's mouth. 

Sanzo almost frowned as he felt rather than saw Goku's teasing smile. He was fairly certain that this was Goku's first kiss, as it was his own. How the hell did the saru know what he was doing, when he didn't have a clue. He caught on soon enough however, and almost immediately began to battle Goku for dominance. 

Goku let Sanzo take control of the kiss as he felt his knees begin to weaken at the feel of having Sanzo inside of his mouth. Sanzo tasted like heaven, a perfect blend of everything that defined him. Goku slowly drew away and rested his head on Sanzo's shoulder as they both caught their breaths. 

"I was wrong." Sanzo pulled back at the statement and looked at Goku in pain and befuddlement. Goku smiled as he drew Sanzo nearer. Just before their lips met he whispered, "You're delicious." 

            ******************************************************************

A/N: Right, I think I'll stop it there. The "love" scene between them was kinda crap, and I don't have enough time to write a good scene right now and still make my update deadline, so I'll just make a new, longer, and better one for next week. Gomen.  ::bows:: 

So, in my last story, Sanzo never actually confessed per se, they just shagged in the woods XP I thought mayhaps I'd put a confession in this one to be different. How was it? Good? Bad? Cheesey? Please let me know! Also, I'm not sure if the number of youkai was too great… but we've all seen the episode where they take out a whole army, so it should be all good ^^

PLEASE READ THIS:

This is basically the story I wanted to tell. So, originally, there would be an epilogue and the story will end. However, if ya'll want me to, I can continue it a little longer, adding in the other three's memories and Homura for those of you who wanted him. Let me know if you want this to end here or not! ^^


	8. Discoveries

A/N: I am soooo sorry that this chapter took so long! I had a friend come in from out of town for two weeks, so I had no time to work on any of it. I am sorry! ::bows:: Hopefully this chapter will be worth the wait!!!! 

**Yay! I broke 100 reviews!!!! I love you guys *^_^***

**Ami-chan: **No problem, I hope your birthday was great! Even if no one else does, I think you'll like the way this chapter turned out ^^

**Iapetus: **Thank you so much for all of your help! I'm glad that you approved of the confession scene last chapter. XD

**Ethereal-tenshi: **Hey girl! How are exams going? Not too rough I hope ^^ You're probably right about what Goku bought. And yeah, at that time in the lake he was already almost a youkai. 

**Chibi Wingzero: **Ah, a change of accounts, very clever ^^ Sorry that the scene seemed a little rushed, hopefully this one will make up for it! 

**Yuki Kurai: **There you are! I'm sorry, I thought I had sent you the information on this story. I'm so glad you got to read it since you were the inspiration! I hope I don't let you down. ::bows::

**Genki-saru: **Thanks for your kind words! There'll be at least two more chapters. 

**Kin'ni: **No, no, last chapter wasn't meant to be the last one, sorry if my AN made it seem that way. Don't worry, you see what he bought this chapter. 

**Zion****: **There'll be a little more, I'm still not sure how much though. 

**Celeste1:** Yes, there will be closure, I'm not quite done yet ^^

**Ivan's Kitsune: **You find out this chapter, don't worry, I wasn't gonna leave ya'll hanging on what Goku bought. 

**SiriusMoonPuppy: **Glad you enjoyed it, gets a little more in depth this chapter. There'll still be another chapter or so after this one. 

**Pratz: **thank you very much ^^

**Kitiara_uth_matar: **I think he's great as a youkai ^^ I'll try to get some homura for you.

**Sugar-Goddess:** Sorry about the late update! But yes, I am continuing it a little further. 

**Katsa5: **Don't worry, there is more. Which "mark" do you mean? As far as lemon, read on ^^ And it's not totally original, I ganked it from Yuki Kurai, with her permission of course XP

**JJJJJJJ:** Did I put enough J's.... Anywho, not stopping just yet ^^ glad you're enjoying it.

**Baka-neko: **Wow, that is late. Sank you!!! ^^

**Chibi's Unleashed: **Hahaha, yeah... Hope you like this chapter too!

**Firesword: **No, no, not over ^^ At least, not yet. Glad I could make your morning better! 

**Warning: This story is rated _R_ and that rating comes into play this chapter. If you are offended by this (which if you've gotten to this point, you shouldn't be) please don't read it!**

For the Smile of Tomorrow

Chapter 8: Discoveries

Hakkai picked up the gun dropped by Goku. In his confused state, he had allowed it to slip from his fingers. Hakkai let his eyes travel over the gleaming metal as he tried to make sense of what he had just witnessed. 

He had finished killing off his group of youkai in time to see Goku running in the direction of Sanzo. He followed Goku, only to find that Sanzo needed no help. He had stared in shock at Sanzo's demon form. Though he smiled wryly at the sun tattoo that had appeared on his shoulder. He had always wondered exactly how those demon markings were decided, but Sanzo's was definitely appropriate. 

He himself had turned into a youkai in the exact same manner as Sanzo, and had never dreamed that the monk would use the same method to become a demon himself. Sanzo had been there when he was tried by the Sanbutsushin and knew the remorse he held over becoming a demon. Why would Sanzo willingly bring that upon himself? 

The look Sanzo had given him answered that question. Hakkai had known that Sanzo cared for Goku, but he had no idea that his feelings had run so deep. To knowingly become what he hated so that he could be with Goku forever, that took real courage. He risked so much by opening himself up like that. 

_Only Goku could make Sanzo act in that way._ Hakkai felt a true smile grace his features as he placed the gun in his belt for safe keeping. He turned and looked at Gojyo who was staring after Goku and Sanzo even though they were no longer in sight. 

Hakkai walked up behind him and placed his arms around his waist. He settled his chin on his shoulder and whispered in his ear, "Unbelievable, isn't it?"

"Hai." Gojyo breathed in response. The hanyou brought his arms up and placed them over Hakkai's. "I'm glad though." 

"Honto?" Hakkai turned his head slightly to regard Gojyo's countenance.

Gojyo let a wicked grin cross his face as he said, "Now the saru will be able to put my lessons to good use." He turned and placed a quick kiss on Hakkai's confused face before walking towards their things. He hefted one bag and began walking. "C'mon, we need to set up camp."

"Gojyo." Hakkai called after him. "What lessons?" Gojyo simply kept walking, not acknowledging that the other man had even spoken. "Gojyo! Gojyo!" Hakkai quickly gathered up the rest of their stuff and followed after him.

**********************************************************************

Sanzo pulled away from the kiss slowly. He was in desperate need of some air. Not to mention he wanted to get a grip on the situation. Everything had happened so fast. Goku hadn't actually confessed, but his current actions were enough for Sanzo. 

He looked down at Goku, whose eyes were half-closed as he also tried to catch his breath. His cheeks were tinged pink, which made him look very appealing to Sanzo. He frowned however, when he noticed a bit of red on his cheeks as well. 

Sanzo glared at the blood that had obviously come from himself. He picked up his discarded shirt, and commented, "We should probably get this stuff cleaned before it has a chance to dry." 

Goku's eyes opened fully at the remark, and he nodded his head in assent. "That's probably a good idea."

Both men were happy for the brief pause. Though they were enjoying their recent activities, they each needed to take a step back. They quickly reached the river and Sanzo began to wash his clothes while Goku splashed water on his face. 

Sanzo used this time to contemplate something that had been bothering him.

Goku seemed to have experience in this area, whereas he was totally clueless. As much as he didn't like being in a position of inferiority to Goku, he was more concerned with the fact that maybe he wasn't Goku's first. 

What if his inexperience made him inferior to the other people Goku had been with? How many had Goku been with? Had he lied to him when he had said he wasn't like Gojyo? Sanzo shook his head and berated himself for thinking like a woman. Instead of obsessing over the issue, he should go straight to the source. 

He gave his shirt a final wring as he brought it out of the water and draped it over a rock next to his arm protectors to dry. He stood and looked over to Goku who was lying stretched out on the grass, obviously enjoying the sunlight. He had taken his shoes and socks off, and had his feet dangling in the water. "Goku." he began. 

Goku opened his eyes and looked at Sanzo questioningly. "Nanda?" 

Sanzo walked over and sat down next to him. He locked his gaze on the river and fought a blush as he spoke. "How did you know what you were doing?"

"It's not like I've never bathed before." Goku huffed. 

"No, I mean, when we were..." Sanzo fumbled for the words. 

"Oh, you mean that..." Goku spoke, realization dawning. "Gojyo taught me!"

Sanzo turned in surprise, his eyes wide. "You kissed Gojyo?!" he asked incredulously. 

Goku sat up quickly, defending himself, "No! Of course not!" 

Sanzo looked relieved at that. "Oh." He looked at Goku, the question still evident in his eyes. 

Goku quickly explained, "This morning, when I went with him to get cigarettes, I asked him about how sex works, and I ended up getting an hour long lecture." Goku laughed sheepishly at the memory.

"What made you ask him?" Sanzo had a sneaking suspicion as to why, but he wanted to hear Goku say it. 

"I thought I should know in case.." Sanzo locked gazes with him when Goku trailed off uncertainly, "In case you and I ever..." Goku blushed and looked at the sky.

Sanzo smiled a little, glad to know he was correct. There was one thing still bothering him though. "So, why were you in a bath house?" 

*************************************************************

Goku looked down at the bottle that Gojyo had placed in his hand. His mind was full of imagery, focused mainly around what he would use his purchase for. "I don't know if I can do this Gojyo...."

"Don't be silly." Gojyo answered, patting him on the head. "Look, I know it seems a bit odd to you right now, but trust me, you'll thank me later." 

Still not totally convinced, Goku protested again, "Yeah, but Sanzo. I can't really seem him going for it."

"Then you have to show him that he wants to." Gojyo drawled, winking at Goku. 

"Huh?"

Gojyo fought the exasperated sigh that threatened to come out. He was honestly trying to help the saru, but the little monkey was too naive for his own good. His eyes lit up as he remembered Hakkai's favorite advice. "Just be strong Goku. He's going to be nervous, so you have to help him out a little first." 

"Help him? How?"

This time the sigh did make it out, along with a roll of the eyes. "Why the hell did we spend twenty minutes on foreplay? Just do what I told you, and everything will be fine."

Goku looked down at the bottle then back at Gojyo. "If you say so...."

*************************************************************

_You'd better be right Gojyo._ Goku thought to himself before turning his gaze back to Sanzo. He leaned in closer and, doing his best to speak seductively, said "I could show you." 

"Show me?" Sanzo unconsciously leaned back as he felt his body heat up at Goku's words and proximity. 

"What I learned and why I was in that store." Goku moved to straddle Sanzo's lap, pressing their bodies flush against each other. He captured Sanzo's lips while pulling their hips together with his hands. He felt Sanzo's breath catch at the contact. After what seemed like an eternity, he broke the kiss and moved his mouth to Sanzo's ear. He softly bit the earlobe before whispering, "Do you want me to show you?" 

Sanzo could only let out a strangled moan as a reply. The sensations currently assaulting him were totally foreign and thus hindering his normal capacity for speech. He had always abstained from anything sexual, for some reason never finding women attractive. He now knew that it was because he was meant to be with Goku. His entire being was telling him that it had been waiting forever for this moment. 

He felt Goku's hands on his shoulders, gently pushing him. Sanzo let himself be lowered to the ground as he stared up into Goku's eyes. Goku smiled at the bewildered expression on Sanzo's face, suddenly very happy that he had gone to Gojyo for advice. Even if this was the only time it would ever happen, he would always enjoy the memory of briefly having Sanzo at his mercy. 

Finally getting to play out the scene that had been haunting him since that day at the lake, Goku kissed Sanzo passionately before moving down to his neck. He let his hands roam freely over Sanzo's muscled chest and abdomen, grinning in satisfaction as Sanzo arched into his touch. He moved his hands down and gripped Sanzo's waist pulling them closer together as he left his mark on his pale neck. 

Goku released Sanzo's waist and moved his hands back up to his sides. Sanzo's skin felt like heaven and he wanted to memorize every inch of his body. Unlike his own skin which had been browned and toughened by the sun, Sanzo's had rarely seen sunlight, and as such was soft and smooth to his touch. 

He moved from Sanzo's neck down to his collarbone, tasting that wonderful skin which was better than any food he had ever eaten. He ran his tongue over the bone before going lower on Sanzo's torso. 

When Sanzo felt Goku's mouth on his chest, it brought him out of the stupor he had been in. His body was hyper sensitive and everywhere Goku touched him felt like it was on fire. He found himself unsatisfied with the small amount of contact and began to pull up Goku's shirt. 

Feeling his hands, Goku sat up a little. He smiled seductively down at Sanzo and helped him pull the shirt all the way off. He leaned back over Sanzo, propping himself up by placing his hands on either side of Sanzo's head. 

Sanzo held his gaze for a moment, then let his eyes travel down Goku's finely chiseled chest, over his toned stomach, and to the pants that now hindered his sight. He brought his gaze back up, and tentatively raised a hand and ran it over Goku's stomach just above his waistline. Goku shuddered at his touch, which emboldened Sanzo. He brought his other hand up and began running them over Goku's skin, reveling in its feel as Goku had his only minutes before. 

Still unsatisfied, Sanzo wrapped his arms around Goku's back and pulled him down so they were touching. The contact was almost too much for Sanzo, but at the same time left him wanting more. He felt his hands move down towards Goku's pants and begin to fumble with the button. 

Goku smiled as Sanzo took some initiative, but wasn't yet willing to totally give up his newfound position. He gently removed Sanzo's hands, placing them on his back. He whispered, "Wait." Sanzo's face betrayed his disappointment, but it soon faded into pleasure as Goku lowered his head back to his chest. 

He slowly traced the scars on his chest with his tongue, as if apologizing for having caused them in the first place. His mouth almost distracted Sanzo from the fact that Goku's hands were currently undoing his own pants. He moved to stop Goku when he suddenly let out a groan. Goku bit down gently again, memorizing the sensitive area for future use. 

"Raise your hips up." He commanded softly, and Sanzo found himself instantly obeying. Goku's eyebrow went up in amusement. "No underwear, Sanzo-_sama_?" Sanzo flushed at the comment and moved to cover himself, but Goku once again stopped his hands. 

As Goku's eyes hungrily took in the form below them, Sanzo wondered at the immense difference in his eyes now that he wasn't Seiten Taisei. The same lust was there, but this time it was overrun with an emotion that wasn't there last time. This new emotion made Sanzo trust Goku implicitly, and, though still unsure, he allowed Goku to move his hands away without a fight. 

Goku's eyes made their way up to Sanzo's face, and he brought one hand up to caress his cheek. "You are so beautiful." he breathed. Sanzo blinked in amazement. He had been told so many times before, but the compliment had never affected him the way it did now. 

He sat up and caught Goku's lips, his kiss conveying all of the emotions he could not voice. They stayed that way for a long time. Speaking without words, each telling the other just how much he meant. Finally they parted, mouths centimeters away. Eyes still closed, they sat catching their breaths. 

"I love you." Sanzo's eyes opened and he looked at Goku's still closed ones. They slowly opened and looked at Sanzo with open adoration. "I love you." he whispered again. Sanzo felt a smile tug at his lips. One truer than any he had ever allowed on his features. Hearing the words was infinitely better than assuming it were true. "Let me show you how much." Goku continued, as he pulled away and pushed Sanzo back down. 

Sanzo watched Goku's head move back down his torso while simultaneously running his hands up Sanzo's legs. His fingers ghosted over his inner thighs while his mouth worked its way down his stomach. Sanzo felt his stomach tighten and his body heat up as he waited in anticipation for... something. "Goku, what are you-" 

His question was cut off when he felt Goku take him in his mouth. His head fell back against the ground and his hands wound themselves into Goku's hair as he tried to regain control over his body. Goku pushed Sanzo's straining hips down and continued to work, trying to do everything just right. 

Sanzo brought his legs up and wrapped them around Goku's back as his own back arched up. There was an immense pressure that was both painful and pleasurable building within him, and Sanzo felt as though he would explode if it didn't stop soon. And then, it did. 

Everything went white and Sanzo felt his entire body relax. He lay on the ground, panting hard as a sense of completion filled him. He didn't know what that was, but he wanted to feel it again. Goku's face came into view, looking somewhat worried and concerned. Unable to think coherently, Sanzo merely reached up and maneuvered Goku's head down to meet his own. He gave him a chaste kiss, his exhaustion making him incapable of doing anything else. 

Goku smiled in relief. He was elated that he hadn't messed up. But now, Sanzo looked so tired. Goku looked down at himself, still very unsatisfied. He wanted to feel what Sanzo was feeling, but he didn't want to push the other man. 

"That.... still doesn't.... explain.... why... you were in that..... store." Sanzo panted out. 

Goku brought his eyes back up to Sanzo's. "Well, there's more, but I don't want to make you if you're not ready...." he tried to keep the hopeful expression off of his face, but was unable to. 

Sanzo smiled slightly, "I'm not that weak Goku. I think I can take it." 

Goku met his smile, but his face dampened slightly, "Gojyo said it hurts at first. I don't want to hurt you." 

"Only at first?" Sanzo had no idea what Goku was talking about, but he wanted the other to enjoy this too. He felt bad being the only one. Goku nodded slightly. "Go ahead, I don't mind." 

Goku looked at him seriously. "Tell me if you want me to stop and I will." 

Sanzo answered by kissing him. Goku's unreleased desire washed back over him, and he pushed Sanzo back, kissing him with all of his pent up need. Sanzo's hands immediately went to divesting Goku of the rest of his clothing. Goku helped him, and when their bodies finally fully touched unhindered, both stopped. 

"Kami, you feel so good." Goku choked out. He began to move up and down on Sanzo, causing the other man to quickly become aroused again. Sanzo felt the now familiar tension returning, and he wondered what else could possibly happen between them. He gasped in protest as Goku suddenly climbed off of him. 

"Sorry," he muttered. "Forgot something." Sanzo watched him rummage through his clothing until he produced a small bottle. He opened it and poured some of the contents onto his hand. Sanzo's confusion was clearly written on his features. Wanting him to be totally sure, Goku said. "Do you really want to do this?" 

Sanzo nodded. He wasn't positive that he did, but he trusted Goku not to hurt him. Goku began to kiss Sanzo's chest while his hands occupied themselves lower. Sanzo stiffened as he felt a finger where he was sure they weren't supposed to go, but at that moment Goku's mouth found his newly discovered sensitive spot. Sanzo moaned and barely noticed the finger slipping into him.

Goku continued to attack that place while he moved his finger around experimentally. He bit down gently to distract Sanzo as he slipped in a second finger. Sanzo's hands moved to his shoulders as he tried to cope with the double assault. Goku raised his head to look at Sanzo. 

Understanding his expression Sanzo once again nodded, signaling that he was fine. Goku latched onto Sanzo's skin as he inserted a third finger. Sanzo shifted uncomfortably, but soon began to move with the motion of Goku's hand. Satisfied that he had adequately prepared him, Goku removed his hand and began to kiss Sanzo while he coated himself. 

He positioned himself then broke the kiss to look at Sanzo. His sun was looking at him with such an expression of love and trust that he paused momentarily. "I"m sorry." he whispered, then pushed himself in. 

Sanzo's face wrenched up in pain and he gritted his teeth against the cry that wanted to come out. Goku remained still, wanting to give Sanzo time to adjust. He kissed Sanzo and whispered nonsense to him. Once the initial shock had worn away, Sanzo began to move slightly. 

A strangled moan escaped from Goku at the sensation. Sanzo moved a little more, grateful to be able to give some pleasure back to Goku. Goku began to move with him, and they settled into a comfortable rhythm. All the while, Goku kept caressing his skin with his lips and whispering how much he loved the man beneath him. 

Goku suddenly shifted his angle, and Sanzo gasped as he hit something inside of him. Goku smiled and began to hit it with each thrust. The pace became faster as they drove each other towards completion. Goku felt himself getting close, and wrapped his hand around Sanzo, to help him reach his. 

Sanzo jerked as he came, muscles tightening around Goku. Goku came a moment later, filling Sanzo before collapsing on top of him. They lay in companionable silence listening to the breathing and heartbeat of the other. Finally, Sanzo felt as though he could speak again. "I take back what I said about killing Gojyo."

He felt Goku's smile on his skin. "Hai." Goku raised himself up and brushed Sanzo's hair away from his face. "I might even have to give him the last dumpling in thanks." 

Sanzo smirked, "Who knew such a perverted and worthless excuse for an existence could actually come in handy?" 

********************************************************************

"Aaaa-cho!" Gojyo wiped his nose before returning to building the campfire. 

********************************************************************

A/N: Ah me, my first lemon.... Hopefully it was ok. ^_^;;; I know a lot of you were hoping for Sanzo/Goku, but for the story, it made more sense this way. Just in case you care, in my mind the pairing is 939. So Sanzo will have his chance to be dominate. Just not this time. 


	9. Beginnings

A/N: So, you guys probably thought I was dead. So sorry for taking this long to update, BUT THE PLOT BUNNIES ABANDONED ME!!!!! *weeps*  If you even remember what was going on, please read and enjoy ^^  I'm glad I didn't alienate everyone with the 93 lemon. ^^;;;

Thanks again to all my reviewers, you guys make this worth it ^_^ 

**Ivan's Kitsune:** Well, so much for being clever ^_^ Either way it's still a fun joke.

**Chibi**** Wingzero: **Thanks for the compliment. I'll have some lemonade!

**M Li: **Yeah, that pretty much sums it up…. XD

**Kin'ni****: **Glad that you enjoyed it. Sorry again for the lateness. 939 just means that no one person is dominate, ie 93= Goku always on top. 939 means they take turns. AKA read this chapter ~_^

**Yuki Kurai: **I'm glad you're updating your story again, makes me happy. Sorry I took so long. There's kind of a lemon, but….well…. just read it ^^ As far as Gojyo, he's always fun. 

**SiriusMoonPuppy****: **Sanzo's fun dominate. He's totally seme in the series. All the way. Thanks for the encouragement on my first lemon ^^

**Ethereal-tenshi:** hey girl! I hope school hasn't killed you yet. Haven't talked to you in awhile, how've you been? I'm happy to have been your first 93. I'm pretty sure Iapetus is planning one in her story SiB. I can't wait to read it. She writes them much better than me. 

**Katsa5: **Yeah, the pics were definitely an inspiration. I hadn't even considered Goku as seme until I saw some of those pics. I wanted it to be more than just a screw, so I'm glad that it came across that way ^^  Hopefully this one will be worth the wait as well ^^;;;; We'll see. 

**Bleedforme****:** Don't all those Sanzo/Hakkai stories piss you off? I hate them… Anyway, sorry for making you wait, but here's some more ^^

**Yudi****: **How can it be 939 if I don't have Sanzo taking Goku? ^_^

**Ami-chan: **Hahaha, glad you liked it. Now it's your turn to write one ~_^

**SESSHOUMARUS_GIRL: ** I know, I know, I took forever. Please don't kill me *hides*

**Sugar Goddess: **Interesting in a good way? I'm never sure how to take that word….

**Firesword****: **Dude, you crack me up. First you say it's too racy, then you ask for Sanzo as seme ^_^ You're funny. But, in answer to your question, yes I was worried about that. But I was hoping that you lovely people wouldn't report me for it. *puppy eyes*

**Chibis**** Unleashed: **They are adorable, ne? 

**Lady DeathAngel: **Aww, you're so sweet! Thanks for your kind words. It's so nice to hear that my story actually has some depth ^^

**Anku****: **Damn, that was quite a review. And I thank you for it. I don't know why it would say that I have 10 chapters, there are only 8, so, no worries, you're not missing anything. After your review, I went back and reread the earlier chapters and caught some of the mistakes you mentioned. I don't have a beta, so it's kinda hard. But thank you for mentioning it, I also rejoice in proper grammar ^^ As far as the sex scenes, I agree, I like having somethings left to the imagination as well. 

**Hao-sama**** rulze the world: **Sanzo uke is fun. And he's also fun seme. The man is so damn versatile. I just love him *evil grin*

**Kristen: **Sank you, I shall try my best. 

**Hellcat: **uh, yes your eminence *bows* and hurries off to finish chapter. 

****This chapter is dedicated to **Anku** who's hella review got me off my ass to write this chapter and to **Iapetus** who helped me finish it. Thanks guys  ^_^ ****

For the Smile of Tomorrow

Chapter 9: Beginnings 

 "Aaaa-cho!" Gojyo wiped his nose before returning to building the campfire. 

"Bless you." Hakkai muttered absentmindedly, not looking up from digging through his bag. 

Gojyo looked over at his friend, "Thanks. Don't know what brought that on." 

"I'm sure someone was just talking bad about you again." Hakkai suggested with a smile, which Gojyo countered with a glare. Hakkai ignored it as he shielded his eyes and gazed at the waning sunlight. "It's getting late. I wonder what's taking the two of them."

"We could always go and check" Gojyo offered, as he stood from the now built campfire. He sauntered over to his lover, took him in his arms and whispered, "Who knows what we might catch them doing this time." 

"No thank you." Hakkai said, pushing Gojyo away. "I've learned my lesson. I'm never going to be worried about them again." He reached back into his bag and began to pull out his cooking utensils. "What do you think I should make for dinner?" 

Gojyo sighed and glanced in the direction Sanzo and Goku had gone hours earlier. "I'm not sure that I could eat without knowing that they're safe... I mean, what if they were attacked by youkai?" 

Hakkai cast a knowing look at Gojyo, who merely replied with his best innocent face. "Don't think I don't know what you're doing."

"Whatever do you mean?" Gojyo asked, trying his best to be cute. 

Hakkai set down the pot he was holding and got out some noodles while he spoke, "You enjoy pissing Sanzo off, and you want something to be able to tease Goku about." Gojyo changed his expression from innocent to shocked and opened his mouth to defend himself. But Hakkai beat him to it. "Don't even try it. I know exactly what you're thinking." 

Gojyo huffed and decided that it was time to change tactics. "Oh, looks like you need water to cook those." Without another word, he grabbed the pot and ran off. 

"Gojyo!" Hakkai quickly ran after him. Sometimes he just didn't know when to quit. Hakkai, for one, did not want to have to deal with a pissed off Sanzo. He pursued Gojyo as quickly as he could, but the hanyou managed to remain several feet in front of him despite his best efforts. 

Suddenly, Gojyo stopped and Hakkai had to jump a little to the side to avoid running into him. He was about to berate him, when he saw what had attracted Gojyo's attention in the first place. A pile of clothes. To be more precise, two sets of clothes thrown haphazardly to the ground. 

In unison, Gojyo's and Hakkai's eyes followed the trail of clothing to the persons they once covered. Sanzo was lying on his back, with the monkey draped on top of him. Hakkai sighed gratefully when he realized that nothing embarrassing was showing. Goku was lying on his stomach and Sanzo had an arm draped over the boy's backside, effectively hiding anything from sight. _That arm is a little too perfectly placed… _Hakkai thought to himself, scrutinizing Sanzo for signs of consciousness. 

Gojyo's quiet laughter broke through his thoughts. "Well I'll be damned, the saru's on top." 

Hakkai shot Gojyo a warning look before pulling the other away. "Let's go a little further downstream and get some water. Those two are bound to be hungry when they get back." 

"It looks as though they've already eaten, if you ask me." 

"Gojyo!" Said ero kappa laughed at his boyfriend's blush and ran off while Hakkai did his best to whack him with the pot. 

            ***************************************************************************

Sanzo opened his eyes after the sound of footsteps had faded. Having Hakkai and Gojyo see them was much easier than having to tell them. He looked down at Goku curled up on top of him and smiled, glad that he had awoken in time to maneuver Goku and himself into a less revealing position.

He gently shook Goku to wake him up so they would have time to get back to the campsite before dark. When that didn't work he rolled his eyes and hit him over the head. Goku shot up quickly, "Itaii! I'm up! I'm up! I'll be down in a second!" Goku stopped talking as he caught sight of Sanzo lying beneath him with an amused expression on his face. Goku quickly blushed as he recalled the events that had taken place earlier. _Is this really ok? What if he changed his mind? _

Reading his lover's mood perfectly, Sanzo reached up a hand and began to rub it lightly over Goku's chest. "You should get a tattoo." 

"Nani?" 

"Right here, only I want it to say "Sanzo's" that way there will be no mistake." Goku grinned embarrassedly at the implications, but couldn't help but be relieved. He leaned down and kissed Sanzo, which resulted in many pleasant sensations, save one. Sanzo made a face. "We should probably take a bath." 

Goku nodded his head in agreement. He got to his feet and reached out a hand to help Sanzo to his feet. Sanzo slapped his hand away, determined to get up himself. As he stood he grimaced and bit back a grunt of pain. 

Goku was not fooled, however, and was instantly at his side. "Are you ok? It's my fault isn't it? I didn't mean to hurt you, I—" 

"Goku" 

Said boy stopped as he heard his name and looked up into Sanzo's eyes. Sanzo caught Goku's chin and kissed him swiftly. He pulled back slightly, still close enough that they shared breaths. "You're my boyfriend," Goku's eyes widened with emotion at the meaningful statement, but his expression changed as Sanzo's became evil, "Not my mother." 

Goku suddenly felt the ground disappear as Sanzo's arms pushed him forcefully backwards. He hit the water and came sputtering to the surface to the sound of Sanzo's laughter. 

"Hidoi!" He screamed and swam back over to the bank. "Sanzo, that was mean!" 

Sanzo leaned down and pet Goku on the head. "Well, don't baby me." 

Goku pouted, "I was just worried about you." His pout turned mischievous, and before Sanzo had a chance to react he found himself being pulled into the water by the hand that had been petting Goku. He flew over Goku's head as the younger man yanked with all of his might. He hit the water face first, but did not surface. 

Goku searched the water fretfully when Sanzo didn't immediately come out of the water cursing, as he had. "Sanzo?" he swam over to where Sanzo had entered the water. "Sanzo?!" His movements became frantic as he searched for the monk. Suddenly, he felt himself being lifted into the air. 

Strong arms had wrapped around his waist and were throwing him out of the water. In the brief seconds of air time he experienced, he twisted his head to see Sanzo smirking at him before he once again hit the water. 

This time, when he came to the surface he immediately swam over to Sanzo and, instead of attacking him, wrapped his arms around his neck and legs about his waist. "Don't scare me like that." 

"What did I tell you about babying me?" Sanzo asked while returning the embrace.

"Sanzo! Look!" Goku's attention had been caught by the sight over Sanzo's shoulder. Still holding Goku, Sanzo turned and saw one of the most beautiful sunsets he had ever witnessed. The sky was a deep shade of violet that faded to light purple as it neared the golden light of the sun. The two colors complemented each other perfectly. Sanzo's eye was caught by the light of the first star of the night, shining brightly above the horizon. 

"Look Sanzo! A star! Let's watch the stars come out ok?" Sanzo turned to Goku, and his eyes softened considerably as the moment overtook him. 

_Sanzo looked down at the clear lake and dove in. The water was cool, a nice relief to the humid morning air. He swam across the lake, allowing a smile to cross his face at the feeling. Though he hated rain, he had always been fond of bodies of water. He had been found in and named after a river, something he thought of as a privilege rather than a disgrace. _

_In his seemingly private pool, Sanzo allowed himself to relax as he never did when around other people. He came to the surface and floated on his back, staring at the last of the stars as they disappeared in the growing light of day. As he watched their lights fade he couldn't help but think that this moment would be perfect if he had a certain someone by his side to share it with._

"Sanzo?" Goku looked at his lover, who had a far away look in his eyes. "Sanzo?" 

Sanzo shook himself from his reverie, met Goku's worried gaze, and smiled. Goku's eyes lit up at the sight and he couldn't help but return the natural expression of joy. "You seem to be doing that a lot lately, koi." He said while outlining Sanzo's lips with his hand. 

Sanzo leaned forward and caught Goku's lips with his own. "Call me that again." 

"Koi?" Goku asked with a playful smile. Sanzo returned to their kiss, simultaneously swimming back to shore and placing Goku on dry ground before climbing out after him. 

"My turn" he whispered and looked into Goku's happy eyes. 

_Konzen!_

_Sanzo looked up from his papers in time to see a ball of energy jump into his lap. Golden eyes smiled up at him happily as he was crowned with daisies. He felt a smile tugging at his lips as he affectionately patted the young child on the head._

Sanzo started slightly as a memory hit him, but was distracted as Goku again wrapped his legs around his waist, pulling them together. He arched into the taller man and whispered against his skin "Don't make me wait." 

"I'll take as long as I want." Sanzo murmured back and glared defiantly at those golden eyes that were impatiently eyeing him. 

_Konzen!_

_Now those eyes were staring at him impatiently. The boy ran back to Sanzo and started pulling on his arm, dragging him down the hall and talking about a new book that he was going to borrow from Ten-chan. Sanzo allowed himself to be pulled forward. For some reason he didn't feel like wrenching his hand free from the other's grasp._

"Mou!" Goku's voice once again pulled Sanzo back to reality. Goku pouted. "Be nice to me Sanzo!" 

"Like you were to me?" Sanzo returned while running a hand over Goku's thigh. He moved it to the outside of Goku's hip and began to run it up and down his side.

"Stop teasing me!" Goku almost hissed. He stared up at Sanzo in mock anger that quickly melted under Sanzo's gaze. 

_Konzen!_

_Those same eyes were filled with childish anger as they glared at him. Sanzo couldn't help but chuckle at the site. The youth seemed to take offense at first, but quickly smiled when he realized that he had somehow pleased his keeper. _

"Sanzo, what's wrong?" Sanzo looked down at Goku and saw the hurt and confusion in his eyes. The young man couldn't understand why Sanzo kept stopping. _Doesn't he want me?_

Sanzo moved to continue, but the look in the other's eyes once again drew him away to another place and time. 

_Konzen!!!_

_Tears streamed from those normally radiant eyes and Sanzo jerked his gaze away from the sight only to be greeted with the reason for those tears. He was dying and he couldn't stop it, but he wanted to see the other smile again. One last time before he was gone for good. He asked the other to wait for him, he would return if the other would only wait. The young boy smiled weakly at the thought and that smile was the last thing Sanzo saw before everything faded to black. _

Sanzo's head jerked as he recalled the final memory. He looked down at Goku, eyes filled with sadness. "It's you."

Goku looked at Sanzo in confusion. However, he soon grasped the implications of what Sanzo was saying. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words would come. 

Sanzo raised a hand and traced it down Goku's face. "I'm sorry." He buried his face in the crook of Goku's neck. "I made you wait so long. I should have come for you sooner." 

Goku raised his hand and began to stroke Sanzo's hair soothingly. "It's ok, koi. You're here now. That's all that matters." 

Sanzo raised his eyes to meet Goku's and couldn't stop the smirk that rose to his features. "Well damn, you sound so mature when you say that. I almost believed that you had some sense." 

Goku pouted and withdrew his hands. "Bastard." 

"That's more like the Goku I know." Sanzo gently took Goku's hands and replaced them in his hair. "I like it when you do that, you know." 

"Oh, really?" Goku asked as he began to massage Sanzo's scalp with his fingers. 

"Yes, really." Sanzo replied softly. He then lowered his face and gently placed his lips over Goku's. The kiss was slow and tender. There was no rush; Sanzo intended to take his time and to show Goku exactly how much he cared. 

Goku was almost completely overwhelmed by the kiss. Sanzo wasn't even trying to arouse him, but the emotion that poured into his body from the simple contact absolutely stole his breath away. He entwined his fingers deeper into Sanzo's hair and pulled the other man to him. He couldn't stand to have even a centimeter between them. 

Goku was unable to do much more than lie on the ground mewling in pleasure as Sanzo spent what seemed like hours memorizing his body. No more words were exchanged, yet Goku could hear Sanzo through his touches. 

With every caress, Goku heard how much Sanzo loved him. When Sanzo kissed him, he felt the wall around his love's heart crumbling slowly and allowing him in. While he stared into those violet eyes, he knew that he would never be alone again. This man above him would love him and cherish him for as long as he had breath in his body. Goku knew he would never again fear Sanzo leaving or forsaking him. 

When Sanzo finally entered him, the tears that sprang to his eyes were not triggered by the physical pain he endured; instead they were inspired by the immense feeling of completeness that overcame him. As Sanzo moved inside of him, he could sense how much it pained the other man to have left him alone for so long. 

Sanzo gave his apology in the best way he knew how. He gave his all to let Goku know that, if he could have, he would have endured the 500 year imprisonment. He would have done anything to keep Goku from that pain. Sanzo kissed the tears streaming down Goku's face, whispering sweet nothings to him. He seemed to understand what caused them, and was finally able to put into words what he could not say before. 

Goku took Sanzo's whispered promises to heart. He wholly put his trust in his love, and knew the other was doing the same. As they both reached completion, Sanzo entwined his hands with Goku's, stifling their cries with his mouth. 

They both lay motionless for several minutes breathing each other's air, each blown away by what they had just experienced. In that moment, their souls truly joined, never to be separated again. 

Goku slowly opened his previously clenched eyes and stared up at Sanzo's face in wonder. The monk's eyes were still shut, his face practically radiating peace and happiness. Goku let go of Sanzo's hand and almost reverently traced the tear making its way down Sanzo's cheek. He then brought Sanzo's face closer and kissed the trail the tear had left behind.

Sanzo's entire body relaxed in that instant, and he slowly lowered himself, his body molding to Goku's. Neither of them slept this time. They simply laid there, reveling in the presence of the other. 

~***~Owari~***~

A/N: Thank you guys so much for sticking with me on this one! You're all fantastic! I hope I didn't disappoint. *hides* Special thanks to Yuki Kurai, Iapetus, Ami-chan and Ethereal Tenshi!

**To any Tennis no Ohjisama Slash/Yaoi fans:** I updated the link in my bio with some yaoi Tenipuri fanart, if any are interested (also contains **Naruto**, **Gravitation**, and **Saiyuki** fanart)__


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